Thursday, December 31, 2009

2009, Don't Go Away Sad ...

Don't go pre-fab ... Don't go be bad ... Don't go away mad ... Just go away (go away) Go Away & Stay Away!!! (For you Blondie fans out there)

Yeah, yeah ... I know I am supposed to be all nostalgic and reminiscent of my last year about this time ...  but - NOT!!

I have never been so happy to say so long to a year in my entire life! Buh-bye, 2009!! I'd say it's bin fun ... but it hasn't. I'd say you'll be remembered fondly, but you won't. How about this: it's bin a slice ... of HELL!!!

Before anybody jumps bi-peded down my throat for this post, hear this - I AM grateful that my family is very healthy. I am grateful we are together. I am grateful we have a roof over our heads ... VERY GRATEFUL. I thank whomever will listen for my babies and my hubs and for all of the good in our world , regularly - I do.

There is no part of this that is supposed to sound all 'poor me - nobody has it worse' ... or the like. There are people (many of whom I actually read) with mind numbing problems ... sick children and such. I can't even visit that idea ... I can't. I can scarcely cope with my kids throwing up ... rips my insides right out. I am weak where my babies are concerned.

What I can tell you is this: Financially speaking, this has been the worst year of my life. This has been a time of loss ... bankruptcy ... and an overall sense of panic, dread and worry. A year of saying: "No hunny, we can't go to McDonald's for supper because Mommy hasn't enough money"... "no, babe you can't go to the skating party this time" ... "No, we can't enroll you in any of the dance classes that your friends are in ... maybe next year..."  My children have started dialogue with one another that centres around 'no money'. It sucks ... ass... and I feel this constant sense of failure. Again - I totally realize I am super fortunate to have kids healthy enough to participate in these things ... but it is MY STUPID FAULT we are in this mess to begin with ... that is a chunky pill to swalla, let me tell ya. I know that I am my own worst enemy ... but how does that make it better? I can't escape myself... trust me on this - I have tried... and those drugs are REALLY expensive.

Also, there have been two people (this year) that have exited my life ... rather abruptly. Not due to their death ... just because I obviously didn't mean as much to either of them as they did to me. One of those people was my father (at some point, a post will follow on this matter - possibly on my 'other' page). The other shall remain unnamed. It would seem I demand far too much from my relationships for some to handle. I think they both suck ... ass.

Finally, there is the (not so) small matter of my ever increasing girth. sigh. I am vain, people ... far too vain to be FAT!!! How is it possible that I AM??? Changes need to be made ... of this, I am certain. I do not make resolutions ... not at New Years anyway. I think it is a sure way to set yourself up for failure. Ergo, a conundrum presents itself ... but changes are a comin' ... this much, I know.

As to looking for that ever elusive silver lining (though I must say, I do prefer the platinum...) here are a few of the positives from 2009 that I consider note worthy:

First and foremost, I discovered blogging. That really is a major highlight for me. This medium is very good for my overall mental state. It is a place that is just mine ... I do not have to share with all those who require pieces of me regularly ... Narci ... Stretch ... Shorty ... Hubs ... Gamma. It's MINE ... get your own...

This medium has introduced me to some pretty fan-fuckin'-tastic folks that I would never have met otherwise. I am humbled and thrilled to connect in this way.

Secondly, I have started reading again after a very long hiatus (birthing and raising young chickadees just isn't conducive to getting lost in a book). I am back with avengence ... about to start book 3 of the Outlander series ... it feels simply amazing to get lost in a book again. The catharsis of this is impossible for me to articulate ... y'all are bookies, so I'm not telling you something you don't already experience everytime you crack open a new book... but it's been like emersing myself neck deep into a warm, bubbly bath ... aaahhhhh.

Whadaya know, I have Eyvi to thank for both of these wonderous things. We seem to share a number of the same interests and she has been rather insistant that I stop depriving myself of these small joys. So ... Eyvi, you make spot number three ... though really that would land you in first place as the others would not be around for me to be happy about, if not for you. (Whew! talk about runnin' on ...) I am thankfull to have her in my world. Without her, I would be stuck in hell (alone) with no relief, nothing to read and no way to express my inner assasin.

I am also grateful that we (Hubs and I) made it through this past year. It wasn't easy,  it wasn't pretty and it sure as holy hell was not any fun ... but we made it! Booyah!! *does touchdown dance*

...oh ... and ... uh ... Narci remains unmamed... for now.

All in all ... as successful as could be expected. Soooo ... TYVM, 2009 for not sucking any harder than you did! I appreciate that.

With that, I bid you good evening. My vodka-cran-orange-n-sprite needs refilling and Hubs is busy entertaining Shorty.

Happy New Year, Bleeps (that's short for Bloggy Peeps).

I look forward to 2010. I'm ready! Who's with me??



Mark Price said...

I'm IN for 2010!! Agree 2009 has blown some serious camel-sack. I feel good about the coming year though. Hopin to get the boy home soon. He has recently had a very tough time of things. I have taken a leave of abcence from work to be with him and Monday we find out if he is indeed healing!
Have a great evening Dani-clan! see you next year!

Triplets Plus Two Momma said...

We are all our own worse enemy honey bunch---don't think you are all that special. I mean in the most loving way!

I'm gonna get back to you on all that other stuff but I wanted to give you a quick New Year's (((hug))) as dorky as that is---that's who I am!

You have spirit with a larger than life side of gratitude and *that* my friend is what will make this year a healing year for you.

Enjoy your drink---I'm gonna go get mine. Happy Healing. SMILE.

brite said...

You know, you're doing just fine woman...throughout sadness and pain, tough times and angry moments, you manage to put a humorous twist on things and I think this not only keeps you sane, but oh man, you make ME feel good and bring a smile to my face with your every post in bloggy land.And that, is some mighy fine instant karma. So I'm right there with you for 2010...xxooxx

Eyvi Sprite said...

brite is right (haha!), you have managed to at least try to see the humour in all things sad and horrible and I'm fairly certain it's what keeps you sane. And us laughing. I hope 2010 offers you better luck, there a few who deserve it more.

Also, I don't deserve all that ( but I do appreciate it), I just wanted to see you do something for you.