Tuesday, January 17, 2012


Alrighty … so I’m not starting the year off with an abundance of wherewithal or a great attitude, for that matter. This is why I haven’t been writing … well that, and the fact that I am tired of listening to me, so I thought I’d treat y’all to a respite from my crap.

Having said that, I guess dropping off the blogosphere completely may have been somewhat drastic. Sorry about that.

To bring you up to speed, I offer the following diatribe:
Narci is still … well … Narci. I guess that isn’t going to change and I need to either accept or decline that friend request already and move on with my life – right? He hired another mortgage agent before Christmas. I have never been a big fan of this guy. In fact, Hubs worked with him several years back and even my “wouldn’t say shit if he had a mouth full of it” husband doesn’t have anything really complimentary to say about this person. Oh – did I mention that this same person … I call him Tweedle Dumb … is being given a bi-weekly draw that is in excess of what I make? No? I neglected to mention it? Hm. Can’t imagine why … since this ass clown has no experience in doing the type of mortgages that we do here, I have to spend MY time training him AND I’ve been here for nearly eight years … but hey … my income certainly wouldn’t attract anybody to work in the seventh circle of hell – right? Wait. Did you (Narci) just openly admit I am under paid???  Uh … yeah ya did! I believe the quote was: “Nobody can live on THAT” … referring to the amount he ORIGINALLY told me Tweedle Dumb would be getting on a draw (which was only slightly less than I clear). **insert title here**

My mom is still behaving like a spoiled teenager and our “come to Jesus moment” is imminent. I have started the fateful letter that essentially states she needs to buck up and figure out how to pay her way – OR move on to another living arrangement. Needless to say (noting the obvious omission of a lengthy gripe session) I haven’t presented her with this document to date. Christmas was a challenge. I had hoped I would recover my sense of ha ha and be able to put a slightly hilarious spin on the telling of that tale, alas … sense of ha ha is still A.W.O.L, with no measurable improvement in sight. So … no hilarious tales today. **insert title here**

My nosey neighbor stuck her big fat ugly-assed head into my business last week regarding Stretch - which sent me into a homicidal spiral. I’m telling you, the fact that I did not go and earn myself an assault charge on her doorstep should count for something toward my level of restraint. Hubs actually had the unmitigated gall to get pissy with me because I got so angry … actually, I was mad - not angry … seething, smoke coming off my body, ready to tear someone limb from limb, mad. Her issue was that Stretch had threatened her precious little mama’s boy with the fact that she knew what ‘murder’ was. Now, I am not condoning the use of the word – no matter how ridiculous the source is (and Stretch had a ‘talking to’ over the incident) … but it was her follow up comments to Hubs that really set me off. She told him our child is an outcast, nobody likes her, she tattles, whines, nobody will play with her and she tells everyone in the school that we have no food in the house and that she needs to eat theirs. She went on to state that we “ought to do something” about these issues … and so on. He stopped sharing the contents of their conversation when my coloring degraded into a kind of greenish-scarlet. The whole thing boiled over into a few long winded emails and a telephone conversation with the principal of the school – but I’m still mad. **insert title here**

We got a bit of a wakeup call prior to the holidays. Hubs had finally gone and gotten the blood work I have been nagging him to have done for the past 4 years. Our doctor’s office wound up calling the house and scheduling him in for an appointment right away after receiving his results. Scared the bejeezus out of me. It turns out his liver enzymes were off the chart and there were a bunch of other readings that I couldn’t begin to explain. He had to make a few changes, have another round of tests and we went back just before Christmas to find out the results. The numbers had started to come down after a short time of changes (removing Tylenol from his daily routine being the most significant), but we were then told that his cholesterol was so high they couldn’t even give an actual number. (JEEZ!!) So – we have had to make some changes to diet, exercise, alcohol intake and the biggest one (which hasn’t happened yet) is that he has to quit smoking. He had another round of blood work this past Friday and we’ll go on Friday of this week to get the results of that. Hopefully, the levels are normalizing and we’ll remain in a state of monitoring. Otherwise, we’ll have to consider more evasive tests. I don’t think I have to say that I REALLY hope we don’t go that route.

This experience put me on my ass. It completely changed my perspective on pretty much everything. I mean, living my life and raising our children and just getting through every day is simply not something I want to (or even know if I could) ever do without him. He is my world. I was (and in turns, continue to be) scared out of my own skin. It appears as though we are headed in the right direction and I have managed to convince myself that it’s going to be okay … but it has put my head in a really morbid place. I find myself dwelling on death, illness and even the crazy Mayan calendar. (Yes, I know … I KNOW!!!) Living in crazy town is not as fun as it originally sounded. I need help!

On the positive side, the simple fact that he was okay(ish) over Christmas and that it wasn’t some horrid diagnosis we received from the doctor, made everything else (that would normally have been a big fat hairy deal) moot. Mom and Sissy sponging off us for meals and liquor – not a big deal to me... even when my sister drank most of my vodka and then took her own, unopened bottle home with her. The fact that I spent an inordinate amount of time and effort cooking meals for ungrateful people who couldn’t even be bothered to get off their arses and help clean up – seemed somewhat small in light of our ‘reality’ over the previous few weeks. Obviously, I am not so magnanimous that I completely let it go (heaven forbid) … but I did skate through a veritable laundry list of slights, comments and out right slams from my extended family without much incident. I guess that would qualify as a bright side – to a certain extent.

So - there you have it. Aren't you glad I haven't been sharing more regularly? In an attempt to finish off on a bright note, I was happy to learn that my neighbor couldn't have been more wrong about Stretch. In the ensuing conversation with the school principal, it was noted how impressed everyone is with the progress Stretch has made since starting her year - so YAY STRETCH!! 
I hope to visit all of you over the next few days. It has been a little hectic here at Narci-henge ... but I do want to have a peek around and make certain everyone is okay.

Happy New Year, my bleeps!