Saturday, October 10, 2009

Open Mouth - Insert Foot to Knee

Well ... I am seriously sick. I am in that throbbing, aching, coughing, sneezing, hacking, snuffelupagus, misery ... that surprisingly does not love company. Though I actually found myself bored yesterday afternoon. Moreso tired of feeling shitty.

So after commenting on a blog last week, it got me to thinking ... I can say a lot about that power tool for whom I work, but the funny thing is what I get away with saying to him. I've come out with some doozies. Some intentionally and some simply because I let a little of my 'blonde' shine through.

Take two weeks ago ... Narci was in my office prattling on about how we need to be 'nice' to the various people we work with in the industry ~ little side bar ... apart from all my venting in this blog - I am pathetically sweet to people I want something from ... just ask my husband. I can charm people like they are my personal basket of snakes and have them dancing whatever tune I choose ... so for this ego-maniacal freak show to be giving me pointers on being nice is pretty rich. I mean - he still draws breath, doesn't he?? He thinks I like and respect him, doesn't he?? "... and the oscar for best performance in a work setting goes to Danica Dragonfly!!!" ..."It was an honour just being nominated ... I'd like to thank Narcissus - 'cause let's face it - he IS my God"  yeah - I threw up in my mouth a little too.. ~

So, I'm getting this little lecture/pep talk/brag session from B-Man-Narci and he says (all quiet like and out the side of his mouth like he's telling me this big assed secret that may make me an accomplice to some crime or another) "You know, I look at people like 'Joe' (the son of a come guzzeling coke whore I mentioned recently) and I worry that people might see me the way I see him" Nawww ... why would you think such a thing??? (I'm cackeling like a psychotic crow right now) "I mean - he's a cocky prick! and I know I can be a little cocky sometimes, but I hope people don't see me that way ..."

Okay, so inside my head, there is a fireworks display that would rival any 4th of July celebration going. I look at him (without hesitation) and I say: "No, you are nothing like him ... with him, it's like getting bashed in the face with a hammer ... with you, well ... people go weeks before they realize they've been fucked over by you." The words just came out. Obviously my brain did not have the required time to filter this into a more appropriate sentance to say to the man that signs my paycheque ...

True story. Ask Eyvi. I told her about it just after it happened. I was worried I had gone a little too far this time. He had left my office, all hurt and was muttering to himself like I had said he was ugly and his mother dressed him funny. Muttering, I tells ya. I hurt his feeling. (I left that singular for a reason) "What an awful thing to say to someone ... Jeeeessiss" I'm like all: "Aw COME ON!!! I meant that as a compliment, dude." But it was no use. The damage was done.

Whilst regaling Eyvi with my tale of woe, I was feeling kinda bad ... well - she laughed her ever lovin' ass off. She asked me how my knee cap tasted ... ha ha ha - very funny ... I'm worried over here.

This all took place the week before our last "chat". I wonder if that had anything to do with it?? Naw. His attention span is too short these days. Plus, I am certain he thinks I worship the ground on which he trods ... I'm pretty certain he thinks everyone does.

I mean he is "The Narcissus" after all.

I guess I had better go and take some new meds ... I'm starting to come down ... time to refuel.

Wish me better, damn it!!! I don't wanna be sick for turkey day.


Spot said...

I have found that you can get away with saying anything, provided it's said with a bright smile, widened eyes and just a touch of southern accent. It helps if you can flash some cleavage too. I used to do this all the time at the bookstore and my boss would roll. She'd be know 10 minutes from now it's finally going to hit them that you just insulted the hell out of them? And I'd be like Yeah, it's a gift.

Please get better Danica. I don't want you to be sick for turkey day either. And I for sure don't want to hear any more weird remedies like going to bed with wet wool socks on. Geez, as if!


Mark Price said...

Yea! you're back. It's hard to giggle freely whilst I know you're on the sick list but I did anyway. I think I see a budding sit-com in your blogs! I would totally dvr it so's I wouldn't miss an episode. I'm sending get well vibes your way. What? It's as reliable a cure as wet wool socks!