Did I Sleep Through Summer?

And wake up in February?

My GAWD the weather is sucky for end of May. We should be enjoying endless days of warm, dry wonderful instead of what feels like borderline snow weather.

Gah!

I need some sun! 

We got one good day this past weekend. Saturday was a beauty! 20 degrees, full sun, light breeze - it was magnificent! I worked on laundry most of the day, but managed to spend the bulk of the day outside. Good thing, too because it clouded over Sunday and now is supposed to rain for the first half of the week at least... and with the heavy atmosphere, comes my head's worst nightmare.

I spent most of the day yesterday in bed or on the couch in so much pain I could hardly move. The headache worsens by quite a lot when the barometric pressure is low. I wish like hell this thing would fuck off already!

Tomorrow I get my CT Scan. I have to be there at 6:40 am! I'm nervous about that. I'm truly afraid they are going to find something... but then I am also afraid they won't, and then I'm just stuck with a headache for the rest of my life. I guess I'd take that over a tumor... which I'm still half convinced I have. Suffice it to say, I'm nervous and though I want it to be behind me, I'm realizing I won't even get results until my appointment with my Doc and that doesn't happen until the 17th of June.

I'm using my down time at work to do an upgrade course for my Excel skills. I'm likely an intermediate Excel user, but by the end of this class, I'll be an expert! Excel appeals to the obsessive compulsive side of my personality. I like having nice neat places for all the little pieces of information to go. My working project is an intricate budget for my household. By the end of my course, the work book will do friggen somersaults if I ask it to! 

It has also sparked an idea for an invention, too. I'm calling it "Whensday". It's a touch screen computer that hangs on the kitchen wall. It'll have my budget - so I can just tap the cell and add in groceries, oil, any bills that come in, etc - plus a full calendar with individual cells that can have appointments, etc loaded in, blue tooth for music (and the Google dot) and a slideshow for when the Whensday is resting. 

I think it's brilliant! Plus it will be hooked into the internet so I can load recipes up on the screen. My hubs is in the process of making this a reality. It's gonna keep me organized. I haven't been financially organized for nearly a decade... part of my crumbling foundations. All of this will add to the rebuild, so to speak.

Today, after work, I am taking my oldest to therapy. I have hired a psychologist who works with a life coach. Stretch needs to learn how to interact with her world better. I'm out of my depth with her in this area. I'm super hopeful it will be beneficial for her. I hate to be that mom with both kids in therapy, but I guess this really isn't about me - and she is really struggling socially. Honestly, when she gets on a tangent, it feels like talking to a jackhammer - right in the face. She can be very off-putting. I'm hopeful someone she feels knows what the hell they are talking about (aka - not her stupid parents) can get it through her head that people do not respond well to that. Also, that while she should never change who she is for anybody else, she does have to know how to communicate in such a way that people won't walk away out of sheer exhaustion.

I worry...

About her, about her sister... about all of them... especially if there is something wrong with me. It scares me into my bones. Makes me cry like a loon. I've started cutting back one of my meds - with the thought that maybe they are causing my headache. I also started taking magnesium and drinking more water and quite a lot less alcohol. I've dropped that back almost entirely. I haven't noticed any great strides toward living headache free... but I'm hopeful there will be healthy relief in my near future that doesn't involve cutting into my brain or radiation. Ugh... I need to stop thinking like this.

So... I'm going to go and do some work on my course. At the very least, that will keep my mind busy during the work day. My boss lady is out of town this week, so I'm all by my lonesome in the office. It can get very loud inside my head when I am left too much to my own devices.

D-Out