Sunday, November 22, 2009


First - I am as full as an egg. Och.

Second, my mother heard those six little words that anyone in my family shudders to hear (see title). See, as previously mentioned, I made lasagna tonight for dinner. I am a decent cook. I am not Julia Childs, but I usually enjoy cooking and therefore, don't do a half bad job. (Bearing in mind that my people would starve to death if I moved out, I am sure) On some items, I am somewhat renound ... my spaghetti, my omlettes, my roast beast.

So, I already said I had to make my own arfin' b-day dinner ... and I was all stoic and mature n' crap about it ... but that was before "the incident". We finished dinner and Mom was picking up dishes off the table and she says (as casual as can be) ... "I don't remember ... I mean, I don't recall it being 'bad' or anything, but I don't remember your lasagna being so ... good". SKANK!!! My eyes narrowed as she was sputtering, trying - to no avail - to suck that sentance back into her head. I said: "That's IT!!! You are SO gettin' blogged."

Noooooooooooo!!!! said she. See, she does not have the address of my blog page, and for good reason. I told her I had no privacy in my house, I was damn well gonna have some on line. Plus I needed somewhere to complain about her ... she didn't care for that a great deal. For those of you just tuning in, Mom moved in with us last fall (08) and it has had more downs than ups ... we are at a truce at present.

This conversation is going on around me as I am sitting here clicking away at the kitchen table:

Hubby: Hun, do you want lasagna for lunch tomorrow.
Me: Uhhhhh ... I guess ... do I have to decide right now?
Hubby: Well, I'll put it in a separate container if you do.
Me: Okay. Sure
Hubby: *pulls massive box shaped plastic bucket out of plastic drawer* This big enough?
Me: Ha Ha - Muther f*cker ... you very funny.
Hubby: *feins hurt look* mumbles under breath *digs out sandwich sized container*
Me: Thank you ...
Hubby: How many pieces do you want?
Me: ...insert incredulous tone - I don't know? I just ate a friggen trough fulla the stuff, can I decide tomorrow?
Hubby: No, I want to know now or you get NOTHING!!
Me: A piece and 5/8ths, please.
Me: Mom? How do you spell Stoic?
Hubby: S-T-O-I-C
Me: Mom?
Hubby: S-T-O-I-C!!
Me: Hunny, I love yer guts ... and you have the cutest little booty EVAH, but it'll be a cold day in hell when I ask YOU how to spell ... anything.
Hubby: Yeah ... I'll remember that if you ever need me as a life line ...
Mom: S-T-O-I-C
Me: Nevermind, I already looked it up.
Mom: Are you fricken typing this?
Mom to Hubby: She's typing this!! Make her stop typing!!
Hubby: Hun, stop blogging us already.
Me: Nuh-uh
Hubby: Stop typing ... you typed "stop typing" ... stop typing, "stop typing"

Okay, I guess this could get old quick.

In closing, my youngest offspring informed me tonight that toilet paper is useless. To which, I informed her that without toilet paper, our bums would stick to our panties ... I really don't know what posesses me to say stuff like that to my children - you just KNOW I'm gettin' a note home from pre-school tomorrow.

I think it would be wise to go and sit still somewhere now ... Mom and hubby are trying to find an email Mom lost on her laptop ... the comedic fodder is going to make my head explode in a minute if I don't leave soon.


Spot said...

I want some lasagna!!! And why on earth would she decide that toilet paper is useless? I'm flabbergasted on that one. It has sooo many uses.

I cannot even imagine having my mom live with me. I love her to pieces but I think that would get old way quick. You're so brave. Those are dreaded words in my house too. Hehe...the power we wield..


Meeko Fabulous said...

OMG! My family and friends tell me that too! "Don't blog this!" Hmmm . . . Having blackmail on your side is kind of fun, no? :)