Crisp Rat

My kid cracks me up.

...when I don't want to smother the cranky out of her, that is. 

The "Pubening" has been a little rough with this one. The other one already had a wide berth when she hit the bitching age. Oh twelve, you evil whore! She threw tantrums for the better part of a year. Screaming, screeching tantrums... and she told stories at school about how her best friend died in her arms. That was the year I moved them from the Valley

We knew well in advance we were screwed with Stretch, but Shorty? Geez... let us have Shorty, Morty.

She comes to the dinner table tonight with a face of DIE! DIE! DIE! Of course, her father can't just leave her the flying fuck alone... nooooo! He's gotta POKE the wolverine. Easy for him to do, he's leaving in twenty minutes for the night. 

Argh.

Tonight, I have to give him credit, he turned her. It came when I said: "for the livin' love of Christ, darling... can ya leave the little demon spawn alone! I wanna live!" in a part Scottish, part Irish and all bad accent.

He choked, she laughed... I lived. 

Thank Gawd!

(He did, too)

Anyhoo... once her icy exterior had been breached, she melted pretty quick. We started to hear about her day, then Stretch talked about hers... it was a fairly normal evening at the dinner table. We can be a little silly by times. 

Then Shorty starts talking about which 'Chris' is the best? Hemsworth, Evans, Pratt, or Pine?

That's an easy answer... Pine by a mile! 

"Mom!" (you gotta say that with two syllables to get her tone... mAW-om) "That's only because you have that weird thing with his mouth!" (Which is true... I would pay a lot of money to be able to bite his mouth... *smacks lips*... but I maintain his beauty is superior to any of those other three.)

There's a disagreement.

My husband vehemently declares Hemsworth, my daughter is insisting Pratt. The deciding factor was that since Pine is the only one not in the Marvel Universe, he was automatically disqualified, hence Pratt was crowned... that and the fact that the poor fella had parents that named him after a fried rodent... 

Take a second to think about it. 

My hubs still fought for Hemsworth, but I explained that he was far too pretty... and I do not find 'pretty' men attractive. To which, my lightening fast witted offspring offered: "Lucky for you, huh. Dad?"

He choked, she laughed... I barely made it.

(Don't worry, I told him he was ruggedly handsome and those Chris guys we sissy boys... except for Pine, of course.)

In any event, dinner was entertaining. Now I am alone again. Boo.

Perhaps I will strain the hot water again tonight and have a Monday night bath... I know it is wasteful of me, but it just makes me so happy! 

A far cry better than some of the other things that might make me at the very least momentarily ecstatic! 

Right?

D-out