... and the Saga Continues

I'm in a very strange mood.

I feel disappointed, angry, annoyed, embarrassed, relieved and hysterical all at the same time.

I feel let down.

It didn't take a long time for me to spill my guts to my boss today. 

She didn't react in a way that made me feel better. 

She is, however, looking for another job. 

We had a surprise visit from our VP and the Chair of the golf committee this morning. That has literally not happened in the past nine months working there!

I nearly vomited at my desk. 

They asked me about how I found the tournament. I'm actually not a very good liar. I can omit info like a champ, but if someone asks me direct questions... let's just say it's not tough to tell there is more to the story. I passed it off as 'it just wasn't what I had expected'... but I flushed hot.

I know they are in possession of information. They were looking for confirmation from me, I think.  The Chair's ex-wife is Greasy's sister - who was there that night for some inexplicable reason. I suspect Greasy maybe said something to her and she told the Chair. 

My VP made deliberate eye contact with me and said: "it's okay to tell me". I suspect his concern is for the Association, and not me. This would be a juicy scandal.

Ugh... I can feel the bile in my throat.

I'm not sure why I'm so sick to my stomach, I really didn't do anything wrong. Not by their standards. Especially not given the shit I know about some of these people already. Having a drag off a joint with one of these bozos, would more than likely be encouraged... I mean why in the fuck are we even there past set up and event execution?

This was a room full of 88 men and 4 women... two of whom look like men!

Entertainment.

Plain.

Simple.

I guess for guys as boring as this group, it might be fun for the problem child to juice the new girl... get a little excitement going. 

A scandal.

I truly do not know how I manage to do this to myself no matter how 'right' I think I finally have it. There's always another shoe that drops.

This was the longest honeymoon I've ever had at a job.

My hope is that this will blow over... sooner, rather than later.

I spent most of my time at this last event trying to walk a slim line between being enthusiastic, engaged and fun... and keeping out of trouble, not expiring from sheer boredom or getting caught up in Association politicking. I wasn't expecting having to dodge random druggings.

I'm so tired, I want to cry. Actually, I kinda want to cry anyway, but I don't seem capable of tears at the moment.

I was so upset on Friday when I realized what had likely happened. All I could think was that I looked whacked in front of these people. I know I was in control of my mouth, because my boss was right there and she said I looked fine... a little cranky or bored, maybe (which, again was not the case), but all in all, fine. 

She was kind of making like she was forgiving me for leaving early... what the holy hell is expected of me here? I didn't leave until 10:30! I wouldn't have stayed past eleven, regardless. I mean nothing good happens at a work event after eleven pm. Right?

My husband sat me down and talked some calm back into me. Said I actually handled myself like a champ. He told me that in the same situation, he'd likely have done the same thing... even though he seldom ever even smokes. He said I was bang on with my suspicion and obviously a highly intuitive woman, to have created my own safety net. He said he'd never doubt me again, when it comes to my instincts.

That certainly went a long way to easing my feelings of idiocy. 

Now I am on a bit of a pin cushion regarding work. I hope she and I can get the air clear tomorrow. I don't want to talk about this anymore, but I need to feel better about her feelings on the matter. I at least need her in my corner.

Guess maybe it was a little too good to be true. 

Perhaps I will put a little polish on my resume and a little thought into what I want to be when I grow up. I'm thinking the early part of 2019 might be time for a change. I just have to survive one more event in February. 

If I can manage that, I'm laughin'!

D-out