Boundaries

I am not the best at erecting appropriate boundaries.

Never have been... and I fear I never will be.

I'm a nice person.

Mostly, I think.

I don't mean to say that I am never a dick, or a bitch, or whatever epithet you prefer. Know that I can be. 

From a day to day point of view, however, I'm what you'd refer to as a 'nice lady'. (Unless I am under-medicated and behind the wheel, then I am Cruella Devil on speed.)

I don't intentionally make people feel bad... quite the opposite, really. I would say I'm more like a cheerleader, much of the time. The nice chic in the line up that compliments your make up, or sweater, or sense of humour. 

I'm a good girl. 

A good mom, wife, friend, and employee.

I'm the one that actually would be there when you need me.
For real.

I'm authentic, honest and kind.

But also funny, bad as hell, and at least intelligent enough to hold a conversation.

I don't stand on ceremony.

I can put my ego in my pocket, on a moment's notice.

I take direction well.

I'm capable, and creative. 

I will lead where it's required, but follow when it's necessary.

I'm diplomatic. 

I practically have a Phd in difficult personalities.

Plus, I can cook, I keep a clean house and have no problem pleasing my man.

So why is it that I am constantly battling myself? Why am I so bloody mean to the one and only person I can actually effect? Why do I accept so little from so many? Why do I let people walk on me?

I've decided in this most recent debacle that I need to make my own policy for this job. There isn't currently a set time frame for any of this shit, so I am left guessing. That doesn't leave me in a very strong position. I am going to speak with my boss and my board about putting specific boundaries and expectation in place to avoid these types of 'misunderstandings' in the future.

It is evident, at this juncture, that I'm on my own for finding solutions. I'm done with the whole damsel act now. I've started a preliminary job search and there are some interesting positions available. I have ear-marked a few that might get a resume.

Until such a time as my next move becomes clearer, I really like my job. I have an event in December and one in February. I'll be sure to have specific parameters of my job for the night and hours I'm expected to work... and honestly, I'll keep my body guard close by.

He signed up for the job willingly. I put it in the small print of our wedding vows.

Blah!
I need to be over this now.