Platitude Paradise

Here we are ... the end of yet another month. The speed at which time passes never ceases to amaze my eye 'balls-es'. I mean, seriously people - how is it scientifically possible to drag and fly at the same time?? Hm? Should that not hold the same rule as sucking and blowing? My work days feel like months, but I get home ... say hi to my kids ... and then a few (under breath) curse words and some yelling later, they are asleep and I am not far behind them - to prepare to do it all again. It's hard to resist getting down in the mouth with the minutia of life lately. But I am going to try. In honour of this expedited passage of time, I started my Christmas shopping yesterday. I expect to get boos and hisses, but when you are dealing with a budget that looks like mine, you gotta spread it out. I've been stalking ebay like a serial killer. Got a couple of good buys too. I love to shop, but I detest going into stores - especially at Christmas. People become a special kin...

When I was a teenager, my family lived "the dream" or so it would have looked from the outside. We lived in a rural area and of the places that existed at that time, I suppose our home was considered to be pretty nice. We lived on a lake in a brick raised rancher, so it was both quaint (from the front) and huge (from the back). I also got to reap the benefits of having a stepfather who's main motto in life was "he who has the most toys when he dies - WINS". At a very young age, I was introduced to toys for big boys (AKA tools with which teen aged girls could attract said big boys - as I soon learned). I had (and by had, I mean I could use at my discretion) stuff that ran the gambit: a dirt bike, my own snowmobile, a boat, a Honda Big Red (dating myself here) which was actually a trike for those who are unfamiliar. As well, a myriad of accessories like water skies, cross country skies, satellite dish (long before anyone had heard of such a thing on a private res...

I think I'll start a new feature. Yes ... I think that is a good plan. I will call it "Chronicles of Narcissus". Yeah ... it could be both a fun feature for reading and a catharsis for writing. A win/win, if you will. This could be good. I will regale you with stories of nonsensical foolishness that occurs on a quasi regular basis 'round these parts. As an example, I might tell you about the day that one of the area managers (of a lender I was utilizing frequently at the time) stopped by with a $100.00 gift card for the local grocery store for me. (Just a special 'thank you' for choosing to use them - as I do not make commission ... unlike my fearless leader.) Narcissus intercepted said gift card ... said "Oh don't worry, I'll be sure to take care of Dani here" and stuck it in his pocket. ***I will just point out that this is a man that owns THREE Mercedes high end vehicles: Let me demonstrate (Please note the lovely photos attached.)  ...

This is what my oldest/longest/dearest friend had to say about me in her blog ... back before I even knew what blogging was ... her talent is a life force. Touch stone 3/10/2001 You called me last night to bitch about work. Not because I'd advise you but just because I say "uh, huh" at the proper intervals. You've come so far. You're so sure on your feet, many say disagreeable though. Used to pick toreadors who'd try to tame you with red flags and ire. Now you've got yourself a quiet little bullet. You two have made a nice home. There are many people who would tolerate my hysteria but few who I can trust with it. I trust you. I've called you choking on the injustice. So low that I couldn't see light. You say "uh, huh" at the proper intervals and rage with me and have the exact inflection. And never bring it up again. Buried in the night like a body in a suitcase. I know your history. I can't liken you to a Ph...

This past weekend wasn't much to write home about (as it were). There were two highlights: a) I got smashed with my hubby Saturday night and it was loads of fun and b) Spender stumbled on my 'other blog' and said nice things about one of my 'shorts' ... let me say from the point of view of an attention whore - that was heavenly :) Thanks to you, Spender! I spent the better part of yesterday camped out in my favorite chair ... nursing a hangover. That was good for me. I'm feeling a whole lot better than I was. After sitting at my table on Saturday morning and bawling like a baby for an hour while my poor husband was turning himself inside out trying to "fix" me. I know that guys are geared that way - it's just that sometimes what we need more than anything is to just let it out - and feel heard. (I am learning in my old age the only solution to that would have been to marry a woman ... alas - some highly important anatomy absent in that case ...) Bu...

Not sure if many were even aware of the massive hurricane that was supposed to kick off the Atlantic hurricane season ... those who were surely are also aware of the reality of this storm. Don't get me wrong, in light of all the damage we have seen from Mother Nature's brute force I wasn't hoping for catastrophe ... but I'm always up for a good storm and this was a big ol' disappointment :( No disrespect meant to anyone who has suffered at the hands of brutal weather.

Given that my 37th birthday is eeking ever closer ... I happened to be cruising through some older writing in an old email account this morning and I came across this little diddy about how I spent my day last year. Really all this will serve to prove is that I have been relatively miserable for a very long time. It has its funny moments, though and I felt like sharing... Morning My morning - up at 6:15 am. Shower ... shoe cat outta shower. Make-up... shoe cat off counter. Find clothes ... shoe cat out of closet. Trip over dog. Wake cranky child #1... inflict needy cat on sleepy child. Pick out child's clothes. Wake up even crankier child #2. Pick out clothes for #2. Go back into #1 and wake up again ... have fight about going to school - check on #2 ... wake up again ... listen to massive tantrum about hating pre school and how she wants to stay home. Pick up #2 and both sets of clothes ... drag #1 by foot outta bed. Further lead #1 down the stairs with #2 on my hip. Dog and ca...

It would seem I have some sort of weird fixation on insects. My kids' nicknames are "Bug" and "Bee". As a pair, I refer to them as "Ladybugs", had we further expanded our brood with a third daughter, I'd have named her Kate and she'd have been my "Katydid"... and then there is my moniker. I love dragonflies. I always have. I'm not a huge fan of bugs, in fact I am quite irrational at the sight of a spider ... or an earwig. *shudder*  It's a strange co-inky-dink that these are my nicknames of choice. I want a pond ... I will have one, but I have to wait until my shorties are better around the water - we are highly cautious about standing water. I want a big ol' pond with the clay bottom (I think it is clay) y'know the one that you can put the great big Koi in, but they are able to dig in under the clay during winter? Yeah ... and a waterfall and underwater lighting. I'll plant water lilies the size of my head ... the...

My dog has adopted my mother as his doggy parent. I feed him, my husband plays with him. My kids treat him like a brother ... but it is my mother he likes best. This drives me out of my mind (...to be fair, it's really more of a putt than a drive). I know it's petty, but lets face it - petty's my thing these days. Last night, he was having issues with his ears. We have been combating this with drops. I got up (at four o freakin' clock, I might add - because whenever anyone is itchy, sore, awake or needs to vomit - they inevitably seek me out) to get his drops out of the bathroom so I could make him better. Bear in mind, I was in the bathroom ... the place that houses the bath tub ... where heinous acts of bathing are perpetrated against puppies regularly. Suffice is to say - he left. Without haste. 30 seconds later I can hear the little Christer pushing open the door that separates our dwellings and him slipping inside. I thought: Fine you little shit! Have itchy ears ....

I've just finished reading a few blog pages by other (less depressed) folks. I am realizing just how much of my "blackness" is even in the design of my page. Interesting, the things you overlook in creating a visual representation of your thoughts. Even the simple act of clicking on my page impacts my overall feeling.  I 'wannabe' happy. I would like for my writing to be sharp and funny again. I am sarcastic and that will never change, but this oozing black tar that is my general attitude lately has got to go. Perhaps it is time to consider changing my layout to something a little less dark. Hmmm ... maybe it will inspire a more positive outlook. I am going to take this under advisement. I found a spectacular blog page design, but I can not seem to upload it to my page. I don't know if I am simply technologically challenged or if it is my hateful operating system... I have not given up, though. I think I will focus a little of my pent up energy on some posit...

Here it is in the early part of Tuesday morning ... I am at work ... I was late getting here this morning due to road construction. Here's a question: Why is it that they (the idiots who plan road construction) stripped the G-D pavement down to nearly gravel just as school was ending ... only to leave it until today (the day before school starts again) to begin paving it? I mean seriously, people ... where is the sense? Tomorrow is going to be a harrowing day for any commuter. I live in a rural community. It isn't like I am in a city ... where there is traffic, but the first day of school is unpleasant as far as driving to work is concerned. Anyway ... I was late. Namely because I sat - stopped - for ... get this ... FOURTEEN MINUTES. There was no traffic ... seriously, people ... livestock could have taken me to my place of business faster. I sat there ... watching the iron faced flagger gal. She was smoking. By looking at her face, I'd say she's been a smoker for...