Runnin' On Empty


Man am I tired.

I spent the entire day yesterday thinking I may be having a heart attack. Dude, I'm starting to sound like Fred Fox. (...by the way, if you don't get that reference, you likely shouldn't be reading my crap.)

Seriously, though... I was concerned enough about whether or not I'd wake up again, I wrote a letter last night before I went to bed - just in case. I ripped it up this morning and took it to work with me... where I then put it through the shredder. 

...you know, I killed my death bed letter. 

I am so weird.

During my trip down hypochondria lane, I decided I would exploit an old relationship and ask for free medical advice. He is in emergency medicine. 

My text was ignored. I assumed it was because he is still thinking I was being a hose bag about his recent separation. 

Not that it is a shock, but I was wrong.

He called me today. We chatted for quite a long time.

He told me about his kids and their different personalities. We reminisced about old times... gosh, it was really nice. Like reconnecting with an old friend.

I guess he is. An old friend, that is. What does that famous speech never given say again? The older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

The older I get, the more I believe that.

The point that I seem to have issue reaching here, is that I really enjoyed how natural the conversation was. No silliness. No flirtation. No sexual undercurrent. 

I can't tell you the relief and peace I get from that. Plus, I thought he was mad at me and I can't stand knowing someone is displeased with me.

I'm going to meet him for a coffee some time in August. I need to inform my husband of this meeting. I'm sincere in my desire to be a better person. I just don't want to worry him. I don't want him to doubt me.

I think that is what happened to us. We let doubt in.

This is a thread to follow another day.

For now, my bed is calling me. 

Adieu,
D

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