Love Is A Battlefield

People say that, but I mostly disagree... if it's a good match, at least.

In fact, my husband says that it may not be healthy that we don't fight.

I think love is all we really have in this life that's worth anything. 

I believe love should be patient and kind. 

Comfortable, forgiving and unconditional...

Also passionate and all that good stuff, too... but not where it comes to disagreement.

I do not like to fight.

Ever.

It's the reason my kids are spoiled. 

I'd rather just do whatever needs doing, than waste my breath fighting about it.

True story.

Not sure if that helps my marriage in all cases.

See, this past weekend, I went into my Friday night with latent anger curling up my spine. 

Not to delve into details, but my spouse and I were not in a very good place... admittedly, he was unaware of that, until well into the evening.

There was a bit of a thing last week. 

A thing that ultimately made me wild. 

Wild enough to ignore my own 'no fighting' policy... and though we did not devolve into any cunty-ness, we took the necessary steps to clear the air.  

Much like thunder and lightening will clear the humidity.

It wound up being an okay weekend when all was said and done, so to speak. 

Although...   

I know this isn't over.

Here's my problem:

          1) Humidity almost always returns, and

          2) Love is seldom ever unconditional.

My spouse is attempting to put sanctions on me. 

Control me.

I like that even less than fighting.

I get that I was a disaster area just 11 short months ago. 

I know that I got a little off the rails... but it is a decidedly bad idea to start throwing up boundaries left, right and sideways after almost 19 years together. 

I really don't care what the motivation is. 

I am better. 

I am strong.

I am a grown-assed woman and I will not be ruled.

Not by anyone.

Have I not always shown myself to be a devoted and faithful partner? 

Barring (of course) my complete fucking melt down a few years ago - and let's be real here people, I had a hefty number of reasons to snap my crayolas. 

Let's not pretend I haven't gone to the mat for this relationship again and again.

...so why the bullshitty, passive aggressive fuckery, still? Huh?

Mark my words... this is not going to end in a satisfactory way. 

The more boundaries go up, the easier fighting is going to get for me. 

This is a fatal flaw of mine, and I know I will rail against the outer walls with all the ferocity and tenacity of a willful child.