Thursday, June 17, 2010

Aw Shucks..

You bleeps are great ... and I am really happy to hear you guys still think I am entertaining. The reality is this: I wasn't being coy or fishing for praise ~ although I'll take it ... I mean what's an attention whore to do without praise? ~ but I was being serious.

I don't feel 'funny'. No, I don't mean I don't feel funny ... you see the dif? Work with me here ... 'cause let's face it - my life is so damned riveting we should all be so lucky as to sit down and pontificate over it endlessly - right? (Too bad - ya'll knew what you were signing on for ~ free therapy ... quit yer whining)

I find lately, I sit in front of a blank screen trying to remember something ... anything that is even remotely amusing to write about... with that hateful little blinking curser mocking me. Even when I do manage to burrow underneath all the monthly bill payments, useless work knowledge, school function days and times, cafeteria schedules, snack schedules, Seinfeld/Friends/Raymond reruns and extra curricular activities - and come up with something ... as soon as I start typing, it immediately starts to blow (...and for those of you taking umbrage with such a metaphor ... I mean the kind of blow that doesn't feel like a sneeze in your pants, only better - K?).

I am so fucking long winded. Shut up! Who just said: "well, D'UH"? You wanna piece a me??

I seem to have some burning desire to try and capture every little nuance of whatever asinine tale I am sharing ... why is that? I have started writing a number of posts that have never made it into the actual blog. Some of them because I have noticed I have started censoring my stuff - which is really stupid and I haven't a clue why I do that ... well perhaps that isn't entirely honest ... I want everyone to like me... dammit! But the resulting post - blows (please refer to the above explanation). Some of them because they get way outta hand and wordy - I know, right? There is stuff that is wordy enough to make me refrain from sharing ... frightening, no?

As an example, I have so much more to the story of Trigger and Jane ... it's good stuff, too ... like point and laugh stuff, but I churned out like eight paragraphs of crap that made ME want to skip to another post and I KNOW HOW FUNNY THIS SHIT IS. It's 'good times' funny. I mean I nearly had a coronary when I got the last bit of gossip from the resultant cackle emitted from my throat.

So, how do I simulate a drunken campfire story telling session when writing on a blog? OH MAH GAWD!! Wouldn't that be a great Meme? "Drunken Campfire Stories"? <--- that seriously just came to me. I couldn't participate, of course ... due to the fact that my WIND would blow the damned fire out ... but it's a cute idea.

My latest edition of "As the Worms Turn" requires some background ... should I make it a regular feature and work up slowly? Should I try and capture it in a point form situation? Or do I continue with the (lengthy) sardonic diatribe with which, I have fallen out of love?

I am schtuck. Which is imminently worse than being simply stuck, as you can see by the clever use of the 'ch' to emphasize the severity of stucktitude.

I leave it to you ... my lovelies, my bloggy conscience, you decide how best I can bore you into tears regale you with yet another sparkling facet of Danica Dragonfly's fairytale life.

I'll be here ~ waiting ... with baited breath. Wait ... does that mean I have to eat worms?? I'm not doing that again!


brite said...

Maybe you need to accept that you've fallen out of love with the sardonic diatribe and and start working with the pithy one liners? I don't know...I'm the same way these days, hence my total cop out on writing and simply posting images that grab my attention.And I have a brazillion excuses as to why this is...

Amethyst Anne said...

You sound like you are having voice issues, something by the sound of it all of us have been facing as of late. My first suggestion would be to stop censoring yourself and just write; write everyday even if you don't post everyday. If you want to write about it, write about it and to that end-who are you blogging for? Why are you blogging?
I'm totally in by the way for the Drunken Campfire stories, I LOVE this idea for a meme!! Heeee...
I'm sorry dear friend our therapy session time is up.
The fee: One glass of sangria..psst can I get your recipe?

FabuLeslie said...

How about getting a dictaphone and telling stories into it, and then writing them from that? Also, what about a creative blogging class? Like creative bootcamp or something to focus on your writing "chops" to make you more confident, and/or your "voice." Also, I agree with the idea to not censor yourself!

The Grasshoppa:Triplets Plus Two Momma said...

I decided after my purge that I was done with figuring out "who" my audience is.

I write whatEVER is in my head at that very second.

True, no one gives a shit---but that's ok. What I am writing is true to the voices in my head. Ya know?
If you write for YOU---you can't go wrong.