Saturday, February 13, 2010

No - I Didn't "Snopes" It

(But it was just too damned funny not to share with everyone) 
 
Actual questions posed to Vancouver Winter Olympic Committee




Now that Vancouver is hosting the 2010 Winter Olympics, these are some questions people from all over the world are asking. Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website.

Obviously the answers are a joke, but the questions were really asked!

Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow?( England )

A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? ( USA )

A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the Railroad tracks? ( Norway )

A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada ? ( Sweden )

A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada ? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto , Vancouver , Edmonton and Halifax ? ( England)

A: No, but you'd better bring a few extra furs for trading purposes.

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada ? ( USA )

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe
Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada ? ( USA )

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada ?( England )

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )

A: Aus-t ri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday
night in Vancouver and in Calgary , straight after the hippo races.
Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada ? ( Germany )

A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Where can I sell it in Canada ?( USA )

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )

A: Yes, gay nightclubs...

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada ? ( USA )

A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round?( Germany )

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada , but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. ( USA )

A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )

A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

6 comments:

brite said...

I like the last q&a especially...but they all demonstrate a remarkable ignorance regarding the world's 2nd largest (and perhaps the best) country.
I.AM.CANADIAN!

Amethyst Anne said...

Heee... I saw this a while back and couldn't stop laughing my butt off then. I am been rather preoccupied with watching the Olympics this weekend.
Thank you for posting these... *brims*

Mark Price said...

Funny stuff Danica!

The Grasshoppa said...

Oh Danica Oh Danica.

Please snopes it and get back to me.

KIDDING.

So, I am over here now. Since my kids will NEVER go back to school. I need therapy.

Wait. I lost the link. Be right back.

The Grasshoppa said...

Ok..Im back.

Here's me new hiding spot. http://thegrasshoppa.blogspot.com/

daune :)

BlackLOG said...

Q. Where can I post complaints about the Canadian tourism website?

Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow?( England )
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.
Mrs B has an international patent on this.....

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the Railroad tracks? ( Norway )
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.
What about directions?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada ? ( USA )
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe
Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary Come naked.

I turned up naked on Tuesday in Calgary and what do I find..... no hippo racing - thank god it is so warm this time of year....

Q: Which direction is North in Canada ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Not so fast, you need to backup a bit. So lets start with which direction is South?

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada ?( England )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
No one told me I could bring fingers into Canada....

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-t ri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday
night in Vancouver and in Calgary , straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

I would also like to point out that quaint little country is responsible for producuing Hitler. To add insult to injury the Vienna Boys choir were slightly out of tune. On a positive note I enjoyed the American tourist racing, even if they were a little slow .........

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round?( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.
Who would have guessed that Germany had a milk season?

My favourite comment I heard about the games, a work collegues was watching the Biathlon
His wife walked in and asked the now legendary :-

"Do they have the guns in case of bear attacks?"