Platitude Paradise

I'm noticing some behavior changes with me of late. I do not know if they are good, bad or indifferent. It seems the tighter the restraint, the more my entire system fights it... and it fights hard. I don't feel out of control.  I like that.  I hadn't felt in control of myself (as idiotic as that sounds) in quite a long, long time. My edges have been worn down by circumstance... but not that far. I can't deal with lack of control. I became attracted to the man who would become my husband, at the beginning of another steep manic swing. That is a true story. I had 'known' him through the bank where I was a teller (or greeter or some other bullshit position) for close to three years, before deciding he was desirable. Not insinuating he is not. He definitely pops my cork. There is no question there... it's just that at the time, it was like a switch turned on. Something I've experienced again in the past few years.  I find i...

There are a number of things, I would love to do before I am, no more. A few examples might be along the artsy-fartsy side: * Learn how to properly play my guitar * Take painting classes * Singing lessons * Dancing lessons. I'd love to go back to that Burlesque group. It was hella fun! * Cooking lessons - maybe Oriental and Thai... that would be so cool Then there is travel: I would dearly love to take my children to:  * Meet their brothers and nieces in Grand Prairie * A"beach resort" vacation * Europe But I simply must get to Scotland before I die. It is a MUST! and I am doing absolutely not one single thing to ensure that this will happen at some point... other than continuing to breathe. I'm not doing anything to even offer a suggestion that any of these things may happen, sometime... whenever the planets align just right. I'm a fucking flake! I piss and moan about how I'm not happy and I don't have any fun and ...

Also known as being a general butt-head! My youngest sister is home from up North.  She is here for two weeks. I have been trying to put a 'gathering' together for her, for the past month. My mother and more local sister couldn't commit to anything because the youngest had not shared her plans with them, therefore, plans could not be made. She, simply didn't answer me. My job is taking me out of town for four days next weekend - with my kids, so I was attempting to get said kids - her ONLY nieces - together with their aunt, this weekend. You know, because I work all week.  Everyone was aware of my previous plans. Not like I sprung it on them last minute. I tried the gathering, no go. I tried to invite my kids camping with them, not enough room. I tried to get my kids into the trip 'out of town' they are planning, again, no room at the Inn. Then, I offered to take Friday off work so we could go out to my more local sister's place a...

I really have no idea if this will qualify as a lullaby, but it's as close as I have been in several weeks. This has been a great weekend. Right down to the fact that my husband left for Ontario this morning... and I don't mean because I didn't want him here, just that I got so. much. done. God, I had a productive day. House cleaned, floors mopped, the gross shelf in the bathroom is clean and organized, stove is clean, I even washed and then hung out on the clothesline, all of the cushion covers on my couches and chairs.  Such a great day. I sweated my arse off for most of it, but it was very much so worth it. I even rearranged my rec room and living room... so all the nooks and crannies got thoroughly cleaned. I feel like I need a smoke.  Speaking of, Friday night I got (and do pardon my crass vernacular) the ass fucked off me... twice! Like the first time was right after supper and we like just ... banged.  My good, holy, GAWD! it was a...

I was just reading back over my last few posts and I realized where I went wrong. I posted this  .  What the actual fuck was I thinking, saying something like that out in the open air? Such a dumb-ass... have I learned nothing? Anyway, I have started a new hobby.  I'm trying to figure out how to extract information out of Natal Charts... it's astrology. I'm also fascinated by Tarot readings lately. I know many people think that is all bunk, but I strongly disagree. I think science disregards the power of the energies around us, the positioning of the moons, stars and planets that are in our direct path - both when we are born and as we go through life. I think that is an arrogant mistake on science's part. When we enter this mortal world, I think the universe puts its very own, individual stamp on us. The only part I am not sure of, is whether it is during conception, gestation or birth. Could be all three. All I know is that I can pull the broa...

Ever looked back on a particularly difficult time in your life and think: Man I don't know how I would have gotten through that without ~insert name~ ? I've put a great deal of thought into this phenomenon. How is it that these highly helpful, insightful people just happen upon us right when we need them the very most? That's what happens when the universe whispers... I am not a person that subscribes to the idea of a single deity in charge of everybody and their fate. I believe the world, the cosmos and anything else that is out there, is ruled by energy. Electricity, magnetism, gravity, kinetic, heat... and whatever else there is.  Think about it. Sharks communicate through electronic pulses they send out in the water. Dogs sense the most minute changes in the energy field of humans. Even us poor, under-evolved humans can sense attraction, fear, bad intentions, goodness and even need from what is sometimes a vast distance. Those of us that feel the call, ...

*Sighs*