Monday, April 12, 2010

Eyvi! W-T-F???

K! I'm gonna have a pity party. Anyone who is uncomfortable with that best pass on by this post.

I'll wait while you make your loud ass departure.

*plays jeopardy theme*

Eyvi? What the fuck are you trying to do to me? I know you are busy and I know you are all hopped up on your new job pheromones and all single parent-y with Mr. Sprite being away ... but DAMN WOMAN!!! You PROMISED you'd stay in touch. I do not make friends easily ... I am socially stunted - REMEMBER? I need constant coddling and reminders that I am at least modestly tolerable to be in the physical presence of ... HI!!! Re-FUCKING-meber me?? You can't do this to me ... you just can't.

This, from the spy cam strategically mounted under my desk ...

 I am fragile ... for all my crusty exterior...
If possibly a little nutty...

You left me alone here to tough it out with Narci ol' boy and my esteemed co worker,

And now SHE'S had a job interview that went REALLY well and is fully expecting to get "the call" to a new job life ... and this should all take place during the two weeks Narci is in Europe.

Did I mention he decided to NOT replace you? Did I mention that he cares not about the contractual agreement made with our resident lessees?  Did I mention that when he does bother to hire, he intends to do so with a person who is: good on the phone, makes telemarketing calls - in the evening, is trained to do both MY job and that of my esteemed co-worker ...and all for the tidy sum of $10 per hour? No, I guess I did NOT mention this as I HAVE NOT HEARD FROM YOU!!! (...and just in case you are thinking it - no, I can NOT call YOU as that would fly in the face of my needy, if crusty demeanor ... not to mention further stunting me emotionally if you were not available to indulge me)

So, to sum up the preceding blitherance:  You are gone ... Narci will be in Europe, Mrs. Cranky McBossypants will have another job and who, precisely, do you think will be expected to hold down the fort? 

Hm? Dirk Dickler??

I think NOT.
Eeyore McSookydrawers??

Good GAWD - get him some tissue, Tito ...

Sweety McSquishycheeks??

(well, perhaps Sweety McSquishycheeks may pitch in ... he's my ONLY hope there)

But ... no ... I'm thinking it's gonna be good ol' Dani McSuicidewatch.

Poor Dani *strokes own hair* what a sin ... poor, poor Dani.

Please don't leave me, Eyvi ... I still need you.


Robin said...

I didnt leave...Im not like that....You can cry on my Im pushing it towards you..!I hope tomorrow will be better..!

The Grasshoppa:Triplets Plus Two Momma said...

Knock it off.

Don't make me pack up my crazed tribe and hunt you down.

You got people.

We got yo back.

Now go have a Smirnoff---on me.


Amethyst Anne said...

I say we mount a search party! For some of us, this could mean a road trip that we desperately need. Of course by the time I muster up enough cash to fuel the 'hickle and actually get time off work- oh yeah what is that? Oh and then drive and drive..all will be well with the world by then..hell there could be world peace!
So in lieu of a road trip...*passes The vodka, and a tub of ice cream and sits down beside Dani*

Spot said...

Ummm...yeah, I got nothing! Hopefully she will see your plea on the interwebz and come riding in with the calvary! Or at least call you. I hope so, because it sure sounds miserable at your place of employment.

I'm just an email away...

ModernMom said...

Oh all I can say! What a day:)
Found you through LOL and glad I did! You are all kinds of entertaining:)