Platitude Paradise

Summer is coming on very slowly for me, in more ways than one, this year. The weather has been less than seasonal so far. I mean, it's the last day of June and I am puttering around my house in a sweatshirt and long pants. It really isn't acting like Summer. My mood is having the same un-seasonality. Yes, that is my very own term. Un-seasonality; n . Behaving in an abnormal fashion based on time of year. See: Bi-polar swing. I'm starting to understand the dramatic references made in the media about people with this disorder railing against their meds. They are helpful to me to counteract the lows... and I can get a whole lot worse than I've been, without them... but when the up-swing fails to arrive on schedule... you really have to weigh the pros and cons of medicating.  I should be just about at the top of my roller coaster right about now... full of energy and projects and badness... and I got nuthin'. I could easily lie down right now and go to ...

This has been a toughy of a week. I did not go to work this morning because I could barely lift my head off my pillow, it hurt that bad. It was everything I had not to cut it off myself just to stop the pain. I'm assuming my head is the result of a highly stressful week with my eldest child... who is to no longer be referred to as female... or male. "They" are/is (fucked if I know) non-binary. Also, I am not to refer to "them" as previously being female, either. This was the bomb dropped upon my arrival home on Tuesday afternoon. I said every possible wrong thing you can imagine. Or at least a whole bunch of wrong things... but at first I just kept my mouth shut. Apparently my body language was saying something of offense prior to my verbally confirming it. The other one chimed in upon one of my first "wrong things" said... and my response to her was: "I don't recall asking for your opinion". That sent her storming o...

So... on the up side, there is no clot, blockage or tumor in my brain. That's a relief. The down side of this news is that I still have a wicked headache... and the reason for it remains a mystery.  I don't really know what comes next. I don't want to be taking more pills... I'm pilled out. Acupuncture, chiropractic, massage... diet. I really have no idea where to go, now. I'm worried my weekend is going to be ruined by this god-forsaken thing! We are going away on Saturday and I'm gonna be pissed if my head gets in the way of my night. We have an evening cruise planned and a nice dinner... and then there's having no kids around... barm-chicka barm-barm. I've taken Friday off to get the house stuff done and groceries in the house. I'm looking forward to the long weekend. My job has been somewhat on the stale side of late. On that note, I applied for the job. I really have no idea if I'll even get a read, but I would b...

It's an enemy of happiness for me. I'm stagnant. Stuck. Moldy. Today, I decided to dust off my resume... there is a job... I think I am qualified to do this job. It would be a very good move for me... it's part time... and it's an Executive Director position. I find I'm reluctant to change anything right now as I feel too stupid to do anything at all at present, but maybe that very reluctance is what is holding me back. Maybe that is the problem I should be tackling. Today is the first day that my head hasn't been bringing me to my knees. I don't know how long it will last, but I feel as though I must make hay while the sun shines, so to speak. I frustrate the hell out of myself. I'm the fucking poster child of wasted potential. I'm smart, but uneducated. Talented, but unmotivated. I can sing, but don't. I can write, but I don't. I'm a talented teacher, but don't teach. Have a mind fo...

Say it without a space. If you haven't gotten it yet, we can no longer be friends. Christ, I am depressing. This (or these) headache(s) is (are) depressing the life out of me. I don't have a clue what is causing this to be happening. The pain moves. The headache changes from time to time. It's like cluster headaches on steroids, with tension neck and raging sore eyeballs.  I'm exhausted all the time. I do not know how people with chronic pain can do it long term... I guess because they have to. I'm hoping that isn't my fate. It's time to figure this out though - last week was the most brutal yet... and today, I was down the whole damn day! It's like 7:00 and I'm only just able to withstand the screen of a laptop.  I thought it would be good for my mental health to write... even if it's Bahblahblah... get it now? My sweet, and very kind hubby worked on his projects all day and then made dinner while I laid either in bed or on...