Spring Fever

I can't wait until I have it.

I thought maybe I was getting a little of it, this past weekend... alas, my headache superseded any productivity on my part. 

There were plans to paint my living room... didn't even buy the paint.

There were plans made to paint the lower level bathroom... didn't even settle on a colour.

There was talk of finishing our en suite bath renovation... no progress was made there.

Overall, it wasn't an overly productive weekend. I did get Shorty out for the first leg of her birthday shopping trip. That was something.

We also got the cat's poopy butt mats eradicated. That's a grossossity of a project unto itself!

There was a fleeting moment yesterday afternoon in the sunshine of the day, that I was planning a Spring Cleaning spree in my house... you know the kind that sees furniture moved and mopped underneath. Mats hung out, couch cushions laundered and hung on the line. Just a real thorough going over to spruce things up for the new season.

That idea died almost as fast as it was hatched. I just don't have the energy to even plan that, much less carry it out. This low bullshit sucks arse. 

I feel like a slug... a big, fat, slow-moving, gross slug.

It's amusing (from an "outside" perspective, that is) to be so intensely aware of my own cycles, yet continue to be helpless to do anything about them. To know that I am irrational and my overriding sense of laziness is due to this extensive low... that things will change as the low moves out and a high moves in... that I will swing into action mode when this happens. My appetite will drop off, my need for sleep will decrease and my overall mood will lighten by a thousand... hell! I may even dump this stupid headache. 

...It can not come fast enough.

This four or so months of the year are hard on me. I have so much trouble just getting out of my own stupid way. I feel dumpy and unattractive in every way. Wandering around - bored outta my skull, but without the energy or gumption to do a damned thing about it.

Like Chinese water torture, that.

Drip...

Boredom

Drip...

Tons to do

Drip...

Zero initiative

Drip...

Irritability with self

Drip...

Crankiness

Bahhhh!!!

I need something to be excited about. Something that will make me feel anything other than gray and drippy. We are trying to make some plans for the Summer months, but until more concrete plans can be laid, I fail to get any sort of zing off any of that.

There are projects in the house that would make things much nicer for where we live, but I can't even make decisions lately, much less act on any of them.

My everything of late consists of me 'forcing' normal (whatever that is) behavior on myself. My sex drive is in the loo, my mood is already in the septic and my demeanor is just shitty all the way 'round. Even dragging my sorry ass to work is like the most exhausting thing in the world... and it is very quiet there, so I'm bored all day, only to get home to be bored there... and when I'm bored, I eat... mind you, I also eat when I'm sad, mad and glad when I'm in this head space. Food becomes some sort of drug for me in this part of my cycle.  

Not good for someone of my general stature and not good for my mental state to be gaining any weight.

I'm supposed to be keeping track of my shifts... so this is really the best place for me to do that. I don't seem overly likely to do it any other way. I know this is just a bunch of complainy writing, but I find it helpful to be able to go back and see how the year tracks... soon I hope to be swinging out into a gloriously fun and energy rich mania. Maybe just one more month... maybe even sooner if something spurs me on.

Maybe Easter?

Bah! Humbug!!  

D-Out