Down Down, Doobie-doo, Down Down

Ever been so down, you are unsure which way is up?

Lately I have had no reason to be down.

Seriously.

Nobody wants my head on a stick for non-payment of something.

My kids are teenagers and that can always produce a reason to worry, but overall they are okay.

Work is fine.

My husband is fine.

I, on the other hand, am not fine.

I am rolling around in my own proverbial stink.

The headache rages on... the depressive episode persists... My ability to get out of my own way is extinct.

This past weekend, we painted our living room and I did a little Spring cleaning and rearranging. It was supposed to make me feel accomplished... I guess it did for a minute. 

I'm still dragging my tail around like Eeyore, however.  

There is no joy in anything for me just now. My cooking is loveless, my work is boring, my home life is mind numbing... I need something to dream about... and with a year long extension on my bankruptcy, it's pretty near impossible to do that.

This weekend I have to be away over night for work again. Just for a Monday morning meeting, but barf... I don't wanna go. I don't even wanna do the meeting, for that matter... just more boredom, except with an audience.

I feel abandoned by the world. I know that is overly dramatic of me, but I sincerely do. Like I could turn to dust and float away... and nobody would notice except the people who count on me to feed them.

I think Billie Eilish is a good listen for today...

D-out