She's Writing Twice

It scarcely ends well when she writes twice in a day.

This day has sucked ass.
Not for any decent reason, mind you.
It just so super did.

I am stuck in a low and my road rage is out. 
This is the time where my doctor would intervene medically... except for two things:

I can not get in to see her until the first of fucking May... and I made that appointment a week ago.
I am not keen on upping anything... my life insurance policy is still not in place and it has to do with the medication I'm taking.

I'm trying to ride out the low... I keep thinking the weather getting nicer will make a difference. Keep hoping my mood will lift and then maybe my headache will go. 

I'm not even sure I'm not somehow causing this pain. 
I'm that rotten.
Ugly.
Everything about me right now is ugly.
I don't even mean that in a physical sense... just in every way.
It's like I'm squirting it all over the place.
A big, open pore, oozing oily ugliness.

Ugh

I'm supposed to be keeping track of my 'cycles'... 
I'd say at a glance, I've been steadily declining since Christmas ended... that's what? Three months? That is too much of my year to be spent this miserable. Although that is a major biproduct of bi-polar. So how much do I just need to suck up and how much do I seek treatment for?

My options are limited.
My hands are tied by my doctor's 'gatekeeper', and her answer is pills.

I don't like me when I'm like this. Other times I do, but this is not nice.
I got mad at a crossing guard today because she held traffic up so long... seriously. 
I mean I didn't get mad at her face... I was just in my car, but dude... wtf?

I'm raw and irritated.
AND I have in infection under my arm that is as itchy as hell and I can't get a prescription for treatment until May.

Honestly, between my head and my armpit, I'm losin' it. 
All I need now is a yeast infection. 
A trifecta.
Trifection.

I'm seeing a dentist tomorrow, so I'll at least find out if there is infection causing the headache.
That's something.
It is still possible it is tooth related.

I'm just so very tired of being so miserable.
In so many freakin ways!

Ugh.











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