Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Chronicles of Narcissus - Troubles with Minion

So ...

My boss is at the Symposium for Mortgage Professionals today. 

Just so we are all on the same page here ... let me point out an interesting factoid: I am the only mortgage professional that works in this company. 

During this Symposium, there are numerous underwriters, fulfillment specialists and business development managers that are flown in from all over the country to rub elbows and play nice with the little cogs (aka - people like me) that make the machine called mortgage brokering run all smooth-like. It is an opportunity to meet these people - face to face ... and cement the relationships that have been growing over the phone and via email for (in my case) the past SEVEN YEARS (with this company - 2 with another brokerage).

Now, I will admit that this event does happen every year. It's called "CAAMP" (which is an acronym for Canadian Association of Accredited Mortgage Professionals ... and its name is a little on the 'campy' side, really ... especially when every second person you talk to asks if you are going to 'CAAMP' this year ... but I digress). I have never gone in any of the past 9 years within this industry. Mostly because I felt like a troll and preferred to be the sessy voice on the other end of the phone ... or the highly talented, sassy email composer on the other end of the computer to these people ... I felt much safer wrapped up in the mystery of imagination.

But this year is different. This year, I am 92 pounds lighter ... and feeling notably less 'troll-like'. THIS year, I WANTED to go. I even RSVP'd to an event that was being put on by one of my lenders. I had originally planned to attend, then my friend (who also works in this industry) and I were going to go splits on a hotel room and get up this morning (all hung over) and hit the rest of the day's events.

Here is a news flash ... I am NOT attending the CAAMP National Symposium.

Do you wanna know who is? Minion

... and Eyeore McSooky-pants. 

Can I get a "Why, Bambi ... why would Narci, Minion and Eyeore need to attend a mortgage symposium with all of the people that ONLY I work with EVERY SINGLE WORKING DAY OF MY LIFE?"

Narci ... okay, he is the broker of record ... even though he wouldn't know how to put a mortgage together to save his life ... but Minion? He's nothing but a ... a ... MINION! W-T-F??? And Eyeore ... other than the fact that he, too, possesses the "Y" chromosome, has no reason to be at a MORTGAGE Symposium ... he is an INVESTMENT SPECIALIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! W-T-F??!!! Not only that, but it costs nearly DOUBLE for them to go than it would for me. Because I am a bloody member of the Association, it would have been $180 for me, but it is over $300 for them. Yet, Narci declined to pay for me ... and declined to grant me leave from the asylum for the day to attend (if I wanted to pay for myself).

I reiterate: W-T-F?!

I told that stupid ass I wanted to attend.

I simply do not understand why I am not in attendance. And better yet, why in the hell THEY are.

Anger is not a pretty emotion... and rage is really not good for the complexion. I realize that in this office, I need to pick my battles ... but this is seriously corn-holing itself up my ass!

All of this on the heels of catching Minion forwarding MY emails to HIS in-box.



He's been here for FIVE FUCKING MINUTES and I have been here for SEVEN YEARS!!!

And, I caught him - RED HANDED! Forwarding my emails to HIS IN-BOX!!! Do you have any idea how hard of a bitch slap that was to me? I have given part of my soul to this god-forsaken den of Satan ... and this is how I am repaid for my loyalty? For my 'sticktoitivness'? SERIOUSLY? You are fucking spying on me?

I wouldn't be the slightest bit surprised if every keystroke I make is being recorded right now ... and you know what??? I CARE NOT!!

FIRE ME, MO-FO!! And ya better hurry hard, ass wipe - 'coz I am just about ready to tell ya'll to shove it where the sun don't shine.


Amethyst Anne said...

Son of a bitch. Why is it that this douche nozzle never ceases to amaze me with his level of retardedness.
My dear Dani, start looking for a new job like yesterday and in the meantime, plan your exit strategy and get the hell away from there!!

brite said...

I will refrain from exhorting you to find employment elsewhere, but only because you write very very well when you're pissed!

Melinda said...

what a buttmunch

Mark Price said...

Ahh Danica, how I have missed your colourful rants these weeks past. (yeah i put the extra "U" in colorful because I'm all trying to be sort of Canadian). What a douche-wad. Yeah, Narci we kind of expect to be that way, but Minion? He must have went to fart-knocker summer school to come rushing in all sudden like, assuming he has the sack to even begin to rub pricks with the likes of Narci. Smack that bitch-boy back into reality and tell him if he is so interested in reading your e-mails you will have them gift wrapped and jammed up Narci's butthole so he doesn't have to take a trip to his desk to read them. I'm pretty sure I have no chance at a customer service related job. Better just keep my stupid train gig for now.

Jan said...

Of course he's not going to take you. If he lets you out of your cave to mingle with people that might want you for themselves he could lose you, especially since you are showing more confidence lately. He's going to keep you in that office like a princess in a tower. I hope you get rescued soon!