Platitude Paradise

Hey folks ... thought I'd post the half dozen "sneak peek" pics that the photographer posted on FB today. I should have my entire package in another week or so. I'm pleased. She does really good work. Here goes ... Stretch the Magnificent Shorty the Manipulator

Well ... nobody ever told me being a mother was going to be easy. In fact, most everyone I knew was adamant regarding the rigors of parenthood. I scoffed (quietly, of course). I figured bigger idiots than me have been raising kids for centuries ... I could handle it. P'UH! Yeah ... you heard me ... I said "P'UH!". I may or may not have been overheard saying things like "ACK!" ... "GULP!" ... "UGH!" ... and worst of all ... "Do you want me to give you something to cry about?!". Nope, nobody said it would be easy ... but did I listen? Nope. *forehead palm* .... stupid-stupid-stupid-stupid. We are muddling through Stretch's 'issues' at school. Really, it isn't so terribly bad. The school psychologist meets with her once a week for a few weeks and then we'll have another conference with her the first week of December. In the meantime, we are encouraging Stretch to be involved in various things. She has done i...

I thought child birth was the hardest thing I was ever going to have to do.  I mean, there are things that happen that are hard – some things are harder than others, but honestly I thought the truly hard part was behind me where my kids were concerned. I can hear all you seasoned mothers out there openly laughing at me. Not nice, ladies … not nice at all. You know after you give birth for the first time, when you struggle with the universe for the first few weeks or so, trying desperately to fit back into it? Your schedule is a joke and you can’t remember what sleep actually feels like … your girly-goodies are in tatters, and your breasts have been chewed raw by the voracious little human you’ve been put in charge of … the simple act of sitting down at a table to eat a meal of some fashion has become the most decadent of activities … and the sheer idea of escaping the house - by yourself - to get groceries (of all things) is like someone handing you an all-exp...

Okay … okay – I know it has been a month. I’m sorry.Melinda - I really didn't mean to mess with your chi. I can only imagine the kind of karmic katastrophe I'll be facing for that one. It isn’t that I don’t miss you all, nor is it that I don’t still pop in a read here and there … I haven’t been writing because I am depressing. Same ol’ same ol’ – you know? *Yawn* Narci is still Narcissistic. Minion is still … Minionistic? Miniony? Minionesc? I’d like to photo-shop a pic of him wrapped up in bacon and title it “Filet Minion” *snort*... although really it would be a better representation of pig - wrapped in pig.    I have concluded that I am burnt out where my employment is concerned. Not sure if that may be partially due to the time of year … I do tend to start slipping around the Autumn … not that there aren’t myriad reasons why I might be burnt out here – at the phallic palace, Narci-henge … but my ability to flip ‘these feelings of stabbiness**’ of...

Good morning Bleeps! I am still kickin'. Today is my first day back to the office in several as my family and I were on a muchly needed vacation. It was magnificent and I will be writing about it in the next few days ... and posting some photos as well, I hope. I also have a bucket of angst that I will be needing to vent as soon as I can find some funny in it ... just a little too raw right this minute. I figure if I must unload, the least I can do is make ya'll chuckle. To those few of you who took the time to email and see if I am alright (you lovelies know who you are) lt; ... Thank you for caring about me. I have to say that my mood deteriorated somewhat upon discovering my desk in a state of disaster ... and those emails and comments have gone a very long way to saving a life this morning. ... you, too can prevent homicide. Hugs to you all! You'll hear from me soon... (that sounds a little ominous, no?)

When last we chatted (and by chatted, I mean I spewed and you dutifully listened) we were in crisis once again, regarding Stretch and her social skills. As an update to that story, I thought I would let ya'll know what I did and what the result was at the end of the day. I emailed the principal of the school and relayed the scene that had occurred the night before for her. I emphasized the fact that we have asked for feed back several times throughout the past three years where Stretch was concerned. I also made a point of mentioning the fact that the birthday party invites were scarce for her, as well. I was very diplomatic, but also passionate about the situation. It was late in the day when I sent the email and honestly, I wasn't sure she'd even read it prior to Monday - but within the hour, the principal of the school called me at work. She was horrified to hear that "hate" had been used at a school function and that she wished Hubs had come and f...

No, no ... you don't understand. My husband does not use profanity like I do. He's a good Irish Catholic Newfie boy. He says "shit" now and then ... but fuck? Nuh-uh. I did the bi-weekly grocery shopping last night on my way home from work. I friggen detest the grocery store like the plague, but it has to be done - and apparently I have to do it. Hubs had agreed to take the girls to their school's Spring Fling. Aw ... pity, I was going to miss all the fun! (Suddenly spending two hours of my time and most of my pay cheque in the grocery store didn't seem quite so bad.) Anyhoo ... when I got home, they were back and I noticed immediately that something was wrong with my husband. You need to know something about this man ... he has two moods: His usual patient, work-a-day self ... and horny. That's pretty much it. I have enough moods for all of us, so it really works quite well. But last night, he was pissed. Like, really pissed. I asked him seve...

So I had a little rant yesterday. Actually, truth be told ... the rant I had was quite extensive and its composition started on Monday, but not everyone was subjected to the full measure. I got home last night to an empty house. Highly unusual. Hubs had taken Stretch and Shorty to town to do some shipping for his business, and were apparently running late. Mom was staying in the city with 'the man' for the night. I immediately began the process of preparing the evening meal. A short time later, Hubs and the girls pulled in the drive and within moments, the girls burst through the door exclaiming they had brought home dinner. A lovely surprise! (Although I had started cooking already, it was easily refrigerated and saved for tonight's dinner) Yay! Then, as we sat and consumed our BBQ chicken and tators, a knock came at the door. It was our tenant... giving his notice to vacate. Can I get a WHOOT WHOOT!! Soooo, Mr Mini Wheat, what that means is come the end of July, I...

Anyone who has had the pleasure of reading regularly to a child, likely knows the story I've premised in my title. For those of you who do not have that pleasure, it is loosely based on the old adage: If you give an inch, they'll take a mile. Is everyone tired of hearing me bitch and moan about my rather wonderful life yet?  Anyone?  Anyone?  Because I am about to bitch about my otherwise rather wonderful life ... and if you can't stomach it, you really should go now. Run along. Chickens. So ... my weekend. I had a very lengthy purge typed out on this page regarding every slight perpetrated against me this past weekend. A very lengthy purge. I have opted to spare you, my bleeps, the eye strain. You have AA to thank for this act of charity on my part. Everyone take a moment and say "Thank you, AA ... for takin' one for the team". Seriously ... it was a long and painful rant. Thanks AA. So that you don't feel totally left out...

So ... My boss is at the Symposium for Mortgage Professionals today.  Just so we are all on the same page here ... let me point out an interesting factoid: I am the only mortgage professional that works in this company.  During this Symposium, there are numerous underwriters, fulfillment specialists and business development managers that are flown in from all over the country to rub elbows and play nice with the little cogs (aka - people like me) that make the machine called mortgage brokering run all smooth-like. It is an opportunity to meet these people - face to face ... and cement the relationships that have been growing over the phone and via email for (in my case) the past SEVEN YEARS (with this company - 2 with another brokerage). Now, I will admit that this event does happen every year. It's called "CAAMP" (which is an acronym for Canadian Association of Accredited Mortgage Professionals ... and its name is a little on the 'campy' side, real...

So ... I'm sure you are all wondering ... did Toronto survive? Yes, I believe it is none the worse for wear. My big toe, on the other hand STILL has a GI-normous blister on it ... *sighs* ... AA made me walk ... A-LOT ... and IN THE RAIN!! Jeez ... doesn't she know I am constructed primarily of sugar ... and perhaps a little cornstarch? Melllllting ... Backing up, the trip out was fun ... I was the kind of excited that can make a person vomit  right easy, so I was packin' Gravol.  I never wound up taking it and (THANK GOD ... or GODTOPUS or whomever you worship ... in my house, we all worship me, but I don't feel right thanking myself ... even though I really am the one to thank ... oh, it's so confusing) managed NOT to do the techno-color yawn on the plane ... or any time thereafter. Yay for Dani! I was so nervous to meet AA ... not that I should have been ... I mean she's all the fabulosity that a person can glean from what she shares on her blog ... an...