Friday, February 26, 2010

Coffee Cups & Jail Time

Mmmkay ...

Is it wrong that for the offense of using MY coffee mug and then not only NOT washing it out immediately upon returning home and placing it into its place of belonging - but not even running the dishwasher it spent its night in ... I seriously considered killing my husband this morning?




Really - is that so wrong of me?
I firmly believe this was clearly provocation on his part ... it's possible that one could even call it self defense of some sort or another. I mean - I NEED my coffee in the am... and it MUST be served in MY travel mug ... those are the rules. 

They were written into the marriage contract. Right after Paragraph 3, sub section 12: Under no circumstances is the husband to use the wife's toothbrush.

I'm just sayin'...

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

My Ugly Side

Okay, okay ... I will stop posting songs ... I will. This one gives me chills. I totally love this group ... and this is a fan-fuckin'-tastic live performance. (I also recommend 18th Story Balcony)

I give you Blue October



Okay - I'm done now. Good song though - right?

Mee mee mee mee ....

Just a quickie to wish my friend Eyvi Sprite a very happy Berfday!!!





Yeah - I know you don't like Maxine, but this just reminded me of me and my efforts of late :) ...you know it's always about me - sheesh!!!


All the best - and have a fantabulous trip!

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

I Need My Best Bud Back ...

Okay - so I've had lots to say and bin whining slightly more than the usual. Sorry about that.

I'm missing my husband ... in the form of the man I actually married. This has been hard on him too and I need to remind myself that we are in this together. But I miss him. I miss us. I'm pretty sure we'll come out okay on the other side, but for the first time in well over 10 years, I didn't want him to come to bed with me last night. I find that unsettling.

In an effort to remind myself of better days, I thought I would share with you, my Bleeps - our wedding song. Does a soul good sometimes to force certain memories back into the forefront. This shit is minor and we're okay ... right?








I promise my next post will be lighter-hearted than this stuff.

PS - it's Eyvi's birfday tomorrow ... don't forget to razz her ... freakin' young thang she is.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Where Oh Where...

Has fun Danica gone? Oh where oh where can she beeee???

It's Monday.

I originally started writing this blog post on Friday ... I am just not 'feeling myself' these days. (My mother always told me that was a dirty habit anyway ... snort ... okay, so I'm still in here with my twisty humor, it's just subdued somewhat.)

I think Stretch and I need to start attending therapy together. It should be called: "Child Neck Wringing Aversion Therapy". I will preface the following with a disclaimer: Much of this behavior is likely due to her reaction to me and my overall lack of patience ... tolerance ... sleep ... sense of ha ha ... patience ... aggression avoidance ability ... I could go on, but you get the point. My children are my entire reason for being (most of the time). I would peel my own skin off with a cheese grater if it meant saving them from harm ... but so help me ...

Stretch is a pretty smart kid.... so, it begs the question: WHY - Oh fruit of my loins are you daring me to hurt you? Why must you hammer my buttons with such alarming acuity? Hmmm? Testing the bounds of motherly love, are we?


Let me save you the trouble, sweet child o mine - it isn't as boundless as the posters and long distance commercials make it seem. There have been days ... very recently, in fact, that I have had a hard time walking away from her and her saucy puss. Moments when I want to hurt her. I was washing her hair the other night after a particularly grueling evening and so help me, I was rough. She has a fairly sensitive scalp and she was wailing ... Shorty was at the end of the tub looking up at me saying: "No parent should ever do that to their kids". She's right to a certain extent ... I mean they were both seriously over reacting, but the fact is - I have so much excess bullshit going on in my head right now, I can't seem to deal. That isn't their fault. I am the adult - I am supposed to be able to put up with their crap - no matter what.

Yet, I am not... and I hate myself, my husband, my boss, my mother, my life, and anything I forgot to mention for it. I am floundering and it is everybody's fault it would seem... I do not want to be this person/wife/mother. I do not want to live without my sense of ha ha... not even if it is just for a few months in the winter.

Last week was a  challenging one, from the beginning. We had both an in-service and a snow day and my girls were shack-happy. Hubs has been working insane hours from home and this left them somewhat to their own devices ... not so much of a good thing, really.

Come Friday evening, my house looked as though someone had picked it up and shaken it ... violently. Our house is big - like over 3000 square feet of interior space, big ... 3000 sq ft of semi flat surfaces on which copious amounts of kid crap can live ... not to mention husband, pet and general household crap. (Merely setting the tone for my over all mood when I came home  ... freshly freed from the grip of the Narcissus.) The dishwasher was full to overflowing with dirty dishes ... sigh. The kitchen sink was full of more dirty dishes, the girls had been doing crafts at the dining room table and there was everything from marker and sparkles to paint and popsicle stix glued to my prized possession (my table) - the house was disgraceful ...

Thankfully (to whatever brainwave told me to succumb to the rantings of my offspring as I picked them up from their father's custody) I bought them dinner from the drive thru on the way home. I wound up having a bagel for my dinner. I cleaned up the kitchen (a little) and retired to the living room and my comfy chair with my book ... shutting out reality on the whole. The kids were still up when my Hubs got home and we put them to bed. All the while I am feeling this guilty/aggressive/passive/angry tug at my innards. I was angry with him for leaving things in such a state, then guilty because he's worked like a zillion hours these past two weeks, then guilty some more for not cooking him and Mom their dinner then aggressive because of that guilt and passive because I didn't put my own kids to bed ...

Do you think they'd cart me off to a nice peaceful rubber room if I threw myself on the floor wailing: IT'S NOT FAIR!!! IT'S NOT FAIR ... while kicking and punching everything in sight? Seems to work for Stretch when she needs to vent.


I think I may have mentioned I have been in a bit of a funk ... did I? I hate February ... it is the "Wednesday of the year" in my world. Oh -  and for the record, I hate Wednesdays too.

I need a coping mechanism.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Have I Mentioned My Hatred for February?

Howdy-ho, Bleeps.

Sorry I have been absent for the past little while.

I have been in a funk.












It started innocently enough ...





{It's too blurry to read, but it says: I don't even feel like picking my ass}






Soon, though ... I started having headaches ...



...and then they got worse.






I reached out for some chemical solace...











But it only lasts a short while.


It happens most years, in February ... I just feel like I am standing at the edge of a great precipice...

 


Just doing my best to hang on to whatever shred of happy I can sink my nails into.


Inevitably, I get tired of being sad ... and my mood swings into a slightly more volatile one:



I get a little testy at home while cooking the evening meal ...


Then ... well, my attitude takes a turn for the worse at work...



losing my temper easily ...


 The signs are clear ...



But some people never learn to listen ...

*************************************
Without fail, I will be left making this statement:



IS FOR BITCHES!!!

Saturday, February 13, 2010

No - I Didn't "Snopes" It

(But it was just too damned funny not to share with everyone) 
 
Actual questions posed to Vancouver Winter Olympic Committee




Now that Vancouver is hosting the 2010 Winter Olympics, these are some questions people from all over the world are asking. Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website.

Obviously the answers are a joke, but the questions were really asked!

Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow?( England )

A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? ( USA )

A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the Railroad tracks? ( Norway )

A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada ? ( Sweden )

A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada ? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto , Vancouver , Edmonton and Halifax ? ( England)

A: No, but you'd better bring a few extra furs for trading purposes.

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada ? ( USA )

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe
Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada ? ( USA )

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada ?( England )

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )

A: Aus-t ri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday
night in Vancouver and in Calgary , straight after the hippo races.
Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada ? ( Germany )

A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Where can I sell it in Canada ?( USA )

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )

A: Yes, gay nightclubs...

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada ? ( USA )

A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round?( Germany )

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada , but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. ( USA )

A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )

A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Oh ... Canada!

Totally stole this from Eyvi's FB page ... but I LOVE IT!!
{Can you tell I learned how to embed videos today?}

Response to Spot

Spot ... ALL men think bigger is better ... except perhaps where Big Foots are concerned.

Content Warning!!! Very bad language in this video ... one of my all time favs. Excerpt from Eddie Murphy's Delirious:




Perhaps I'll get off my proverbial ass - or more to the point ... ON my actual ass and write a post later today. Must be something about this time of year. sighs

Call this my gift to you ... a Friday laugh.