Mediocrity

It's amusing, the way the human psyche works... just a few short years ago, I'd have sold my soul for mediocrity. To be some boring 'Jane Doe' barely making ends meet... I'd have sold.my.soul.

Today however, I want to unzip the escape hatch of my life and bludgeon mediocrity into the bloody pulp it deserves.

Here's a day in the life...

Crawl out of bed, unrested.

Drag ass through work, while battling 'Mephistopheles the headache' (whom is now in his fourth week) and the many 'issues' with which one is inundated on the daily.

Come home by way of the tailor, the nail salon and the corner store for kindling.

Get home and realize I forgot to get child's prescription from the pharmacy.

Order script for child.

Make wraps for spouse - who is currently salty with me for fibbing about where I got my last auto service performed... namely because it  was an excuse to see someone I'm not allowed to see.

Turn around and go back out to get script.

Come home for second time. 

Go up to room to get changed...

Get distracted by unidentified barf on floor.

Clean up barf.

Sore earring hole causes further distraction.

Find stud to put into hole to keep it open until my 'event' next week.

Spend 15 minutes trying to both stick the stud in the hole and affix the teeny tiny back to it.

Notice pile of dirty laundry.

Gather up laundry.

Actually get changed.

Note basket full of clean towels from Sunday.

Put away towels that have been sitting clean in laundry basket since Sunday.

Fill up basket with recently collected dirty laundry.

Notice half full package of toilet paper that never made it to its home on grocery day.

Redistribute toilet paper wealth from one bath to three.

Holler at basement dweller (Stretch) for her dirties.

Sort and start laundry process.

Defrost meat for dinner.

Get mobbed by hungry cats and dog.

Feed cats and dog

Detect a note of eau du kitty litter in the air.

Scoop litter box.

Gather up garbage and recyclables.

Empty the dishwasher I asked my basement dweller to do an hour ago.

Prep the rest of the accouterments of dinner.

Tidy kitchen, fill sink.

Flip laundry.

Eat dinner.

Clean up from dinner.

... the purpose of this mind numbing diatribe is to demonstrate just how mundane this world is for me. I am bored senseless. Such a short time ago, I would have given so much to just be bored and now here I am building nightmares where none exist.

My life is calm. 

It's happy.

I'm happy.

I mean, financially, we are still ruined and we'll be another two years paying out our bankruptcy... because now we make too much money - which absolutely fucking slays me... but you know, comparatively speaking...

Why can't I just be fucking happy?

Why can't I find it within myself to resist the lure of attention?

Why is that such salve to my raw soul?

Like it proves I have value and worth somehow... why must I convert myself to currency? 

I'm so busy at work right now that I don't have an expanse of free time, and yet I still manage to find myself in trouble. It's remarkable, really. I have been confronted several times about the same issue and although I am entirely honest and sincere in my responses, none of them have sounded anything like 'I'll stop'. And I justify it like it's my job! 

It's because I know that I can, and that makes me an absolutely reprehensible dick!

I'm not entirely certain I know what the point of this meandering piece is today... it's my hope that upon future inspection of this time-frame, I will spit out whatever stupid fucking pearl of wisdom is agitating within me right now. 

And I will behold it triumphantly and exclaim: "Oh... that's why I did that shit!" ... and all will be right with my world.

Until then, it would seem I'm simply digesting a stone.