Platitude Paradise

You know, I may have said this before ... but THIS year, I truly mean it. In all its glory and ugliness. Some of you may already know that I was able to exit my somewhat unhealthy employment situation this past March. (Assuming anyone still actually READS my page - as I have been checked out for quite some time.) Either way, I am OUT! This is a good thing. Just because it is a good thing doesn't necessarily mean that it is supposed to feel good all of the time. (As I am learning in high fidelity surround sound, high definition, living color - first hand just now.) I have experienced emotions ranging from euphoria to abject terror - and really everything in between. I seem to drift in and out of depressive states, but over all, I am So.Much.Better.  Stretch has spun completely around with the introduction of Mommy 2.0 (The Home Edition), rather than having to pick over whatever is left once the corporate world is done with Ol' Cranky Pants Mummer. It is truly phenomenal...

Or does it? Okay ... okay - I have not written in an awful long time. So.Much.Has.Happened. It is a daunting task even to organize what I want to say. Here goes ... February  - a phone call comes to the house informing my husband that we are being investigated by the Department of Community Services for (get this) child abuse. Although, I don't believe they actually said as much on the phone ... we were informed that our attendance was requested at the office of said organization the next morning. Upon our arrival and reception, we were informed that there had been a complaint lodged back in November that had originated from our Stretch. Apparently, she was complaining about how her father hits her in the face. I don't think I need to use my words to explain how ridiculous this accusation was/is. I also don't think it necessary to bother explaining how devastating this experience was for me. I doubt I stopped crying for more than an hour for nearly a month. I...

Alrighty … so I’m not starting the year off with an abundance of wherewithal or a great attitude, for that matter. This is why I haven’t been writing … well that, and the fact that I am tired of listening to me, so I thought I’d treat y’all to a respite from my crap. Having said that, I guess dropping off the blogosphere completely may have been somewhat drastic. Sorry about that. To bring you up to speed, I offer the following diatribe: Narci is still … well … Narci. I guess that isn’t going to change and I need to either accept or decline that friend request already and move on with my life – right? He hired another mortgage agent before Christmas. I have never been a big fan of this guy. In fact, Hubs worked with him several years back and even my “wouldn’t say shit if he had a mouth full of it” husband doesn’t have anything really complimentary to say about this person. Oh – did I mention that this same person … I call him Tweedle Dumb … is being given a bi-weekly...

Hey folks ... thought I'd post the half dozen "sneak peek" pics that the photographer posted on FB today. I should have my entire package in another week or so. I'm pleased. She does really good work. Here goes ... Stretch the Magnificent Shorty the Manipulator

Well ... nobody ever told me being a mother was going to be easy. In fact, most everyone I knew was adamant regarding the rigors of parenthood. I scoffed (quietly, of course). I figured bigger idiots than me have been raising kids for centuries ... I could handle it. P'UH! Yeah ... you heard me ... I said "P'UH!". I may or may not have been overheard saying things like "ACK!" ... "GULP!" ... "UGH!" ... and worst of all ... "Do you want me to give you something to cry about?!". Nope, nobody said it would be easy ... but did I listen? Nope. *forehead palm* .... stupid-stupid-stupid-stupid. We are muddling through Stretch's 'issues' at school. Really, it isn't so terribly bad. The school psychologist meets with her once a week for a few weeks and then we'll have another conference with her the first week of December. In the meantime, we are encouraging Stretch to be involved in various things. She has done i...

I thought child birth was the hardest thing I was ever going to have to do.  I mean, there are things that happen that are hard – some things are harder than others, but honestly I thought the truly hard part was behind me where my kids were concerned. I can hear all you seasoned mothers out there openly laughing at me. Not nice, ladies … not nice at all. You know after you give birth for the first time, when you struggle with the universe for the first few weeks or so, trying desperately to fit back into it? Your schedule is a joke and you can’t remember what sleep actually feels like … your girly-goodies are in tatters, and your breasts have been chewed raw by the voracious little human you’ve been put in charge of … the simple act of sitting down at a table to eat a meal of some fashion has become the most decadent of activities … and the sheer idea of escaping the house - by yourself - to get groceries (of all things) is like someone handing you an all-exp...

Okay … okay – I know it has been a month. I’m sorry.Melinda - I really didn't mean to mess with your chi. I can only imagine the kind of karmic katastrophe I'll be facing for that one. It isn’t that I don’t miss you all, nor is it that I don’t still pop in a read here and there … I haven’t been writing because I am depressing. Same ol’ same ol’ – you know? *Yawn* Narci is still Narcissistic. Minion is still … Minionistic? Miniony? Minionesc? I’d like to photo-shop a pic of him wrapped up in bacon and title it “Filet Minion” *snort*... although really it would be a better representation of pig - wrapped in pig.    I have concluded that I am burnt out where my employment is concerned. Not sure if that may be partially due to the time of year … I do tend to start slipping around the Autumn … not that there aren’t myriad reasons why I might be burnt out here – at the phallic palace, Narci-henge … but my ability to flip ‘these feelings of stabbiness**’ of...