Sometimes Everything Just Sucks

 

I know that I have made so many mistakes. I know this. I openly admit to them... but COME ON! Karla Holmoka didn't serve this much time!

I've just gone from being ecstatic on Friday night about a job offer that was to come this week, to crying into my lap today because my prospective employer viewed my credit bureau.

I tried to explain what happened. They humoured me... but in the end, they rescinded their offer. 

This would have been a good job. A high paying job. A game changer for us. Seriously.

Unfortunately, according to a privately owned credit reporting service, I am a certified dirt-bag that can never be trusted again. Ever. It didn't matter why any of it happened, only that it happened.

It feels like I will never stop being punished. 

I get why I can't obtain credit, but landing a job that would literally change my life? I really don't understand why they even have to know. I've never ever been suspected of anything illegal or untoward. In fact, I held the Treasury position for years when I worked for the bank. Had a $50K cheque signing limit. Doesn't that count?

Does the fact that I have fought tooth and nail with our healthcare system to get my kid help make any difference? Or the fact that, against all odds, my marriage has stayed not only intact, but still pretty happy? That I never ran, even though I wanted to more than you could imagine? Or maybe even that my experience matches the position very nicely?

No. It doesn't. The only thing that matters is what one sheet of paper says about me.

My background check is clean. My references are spectacular and I would (sincerely) be an asset to them... that just doesn't mean more to them than that horrible time when I lost my home - the only home my children ever really knew - the one we had worked toward for most of our first 10 years together... that's what my economic value amounts to... zero dollars.

We fucked shit up. 

We made poor decisions. 

Nobody in this scenario set out to make this mess or screw anyone over. We were just trying to survive. To keep life as stable as possible for our kids... and us. We're still fighting the battle.

It's ruined the past decade and a half of my life and, apparently, it will follow me for another decade and a half before I am free.

Not to mention the fact that finance is what I know. It is really the only thing I have to offer. Now it would seem I'm out of luck for using any of my 20+ years of experience when trying to obtain gainful employment.

I've essentially been cancelled.


Bummer, I know. 

I think I'll go eat some ice cream with a chocolate bar and wash it down with vodka... straight from the bottle.

D





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