Platitude Paradise

Ever been so down, you are unsure which way is up? Lately I have had no reason to be down. Seriously. Nobody wants my head on a stick for non-payment of something. My kids are teenagers and that can always produce a reason to worry, but overall they are okay. Work is fine. My husband is fine. I, on the other hand, am not fine. I am rolling around in my own proverbial stink. The headache rages on... the depressive episode persists... My ability to get out of my own way is extinct. This past weekend, we painted our living room and I did a little Spring cleaning and rearranging. It was supposed to make me feel accomplished... I guess it did for a minute.  I'm still dragging my tail around like Eeyore, however.   There is no joy in anything for me just now. My cooking is loveless, my work is boring, my home life is mind numbing... I need something to dream about... and with a year long extension on my bankruptcy, it's pretty near impossi...

I can't wait until I have it. I thought maybe I was getting a little of it, this past weekend... alas, my headache superseded any productivity on my part.  There were plans to paint my living room... didn't even buy the paint. There were plans made to paint the lower level bathroom... didn't even settle on a colour. There was talk of finishing our en suite bath renovation... no progress was made there. Overall, it wasn't an overly productive weekend. I did get Shorty out for the first leg of her birthday shopping trip. That was something. We also got the cat's poopy butt mats eradicated. That's a grossossity of a project unto itself! There was a fleeting moment yesterday afternoon in the sunshine of the day, that I was planning a Spring Cleaning spree in my house... you know the kind that sees furniture moved and mopped underneath. Mats hung out, couch cushions laundered and hung on the line. Just a real thorough going over to spruce thi...

It scarcely ends well when she writes twice in a day. This day has sucked ass. Not for any decent reason, mind you. It just so super did. I am stuck in a low and my road rage is out.  This is the time where my doctor would intervene medically... except for two things: I can not get in to see her until the first of fucking May... and I made that appointment a week ago. I am not keen on upping anything... my life insurance policy is still not in place and it has to do with the medication I'm taking. I'm trying to ride out the low... I keep thinking the weather getting nicer will make a difference. Keep hoping my mood will lift and then maybe my headache will go.  I'm not even sure I'm not somehow causing this pain.  I'm that rotten. Ugly. Everything about me right now is ugly. I don't even mean that in a physical sense... just in every way. It's like I'm squirting it all over the place. A big, open pore, oozing oily...

I literally hate all the people today. Yes, I meant literally. My day started much like any other. I awoke to the scream of my brain from the pain in my head... that was my first impression of the day. I readied myself for work, saw the kids off to school and embarked on what should have been a fifteen to twenty minute commute to my place of employment. FIFTY THREE MINUTES LATER, I pulled into the parking space I was to claim as my own for the day. Fifty three minutes, people... for a twenty minute max drive. "Why?" You may find yourself asking... "Because!" I answer defiantly. Because across town, some brilliant engineer has decided to close a major artery in one of the busier clogging points of our fair city... the rotary... displacing like oh, I dunno... twenty thousand cars? Is that a fair estimate?  It feels like seven million, so I figure to my hyperbole-prone brain, twenty thousand seems about right. I hate that bastard! ...