Friday, August 2, 2013

Like Eeyore on Oxy

Is THIS me, or what?

Well ... maybe not so intelligent or quiet ... but the rest fits.

Oh, I don't think you can smoke thistles, so maybe not that, either. Crap ... even my metaphors are flawed these days.

It's cloudy ... and cold.

The truck is supposed to be fixed today ... providing nothing else breaks in the process (like the caliper did when Hubs tried to bleed the brakes last - costing us an additional $120).

We are supposed to go camping tomorrow ... providing the weather holds.

I can't find my tail ... prolly fell off anyway.

I'm totes NOT... 'okay', that is. Although, I will tell you that any hugging is done at your own risk. Could go either way, I might freak at being touched ... or I might dissolve into a snot flying, projectile tear fest of a melt down. There's really no way to know which it would be ... I might recommend a 'no touch' policy ... for your own safety.

Just pity me from afar. Passionately, but not too loudly ... I has a headache, too. It starts at my big toe and goes up from there. 

I am so down this past two (or so) week stint ... I am a walking, talking "tripping hazard" (you know ... over my bottom lip). Even chemical intervention (you like how I did that little play on words?) isn't doing anything positive. Likely because alcohol and cannabis are both depressants.

D'uh, dumb-ass.

On my list of "worst enemies" there is a picture of me... covering the entire front page.

I am walking around, inside out. Like a throbbing, raw nerve. The voices of my children are like stabbing knives in my grey matter. Everything my husband does, says or even thinks gets under my skin like scabies. Actually, that can be said for pretty much everything that breathes ... and not a few things that don't (anymore ... kidding).

I am such a freakin' mess that I have taken to waking up in the morning (assuming that I slept at all) bracing myself for whatever bad news is going to hit me today. 

Will it be something else breaking? I mean we are down not one, but TWO lawn mowers. The pool pump broke a week ago. The truck STILL does not have brakes of any notable amount. Our carpet shampooer is busted and the vacuum isn't sucking properly ... which is ironic, considering how much everything else seems to be.

Or ... will it be something bouncing (and I am not referring to Tigger here)? 

Or maybe a sick or injured pet?

Whatever it is ... I'm certain of two things - it will make me even more sad AND it will cost more money. Money we do not have.

Is there some sort of process I can do that will turn off my self pity? I desperately need to find my happy place. I can't seem to escape this very negative head space. They say you attract what you are and I am currently inclined to believe that. So ... what? What do I do? This isn't passing. I'm starting to panic on a whole new level and my perspective is not even in the same neighborhood as someone with a modicum of sanity.

I need some help. I just don't know who to ask.  

... on a related note, my family just arrived back from picking up the master cylinder (for the truck) bearing cinnamon buns ... hot cinnamon buns. It's bad, people ... he's resorting to bringing 'offerings' to the beastly goddess.



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