Wednesday, December 1, 2010


I have a bad-assed cat.

Had you heard?

Yeah ... he is a B.A.D.A.S.S.

He ignores, without prejudice, each of the following names he's been called: Woody, Woodster, Woodstock, Woodrow, Stinky-Stinkerson, Black Head, Guts and Pig-Cat. (Along with the ever popular, you tubby little shit!)

A few things I have learned about this animal are:

His shit stinks worse than any other animal I have ever had the pleasure of being near whilst it shat ... seriously, it smells like he ate the arsehole out of a skunk.

He has absolutely no manners whatsoever and parades around on the sacred ground of counter tops and tables without shame.

You can't so much as pour a bowl of cereal for the children without a black cloud descending upon it from what seems like every direction.

If it is liquid ... he will drink it. Even if that means he has to stick his paw into the container and lap it up a pawful at a time. His absolute favorite beverages? Anything milky, my meal replacement shakes, Hub's tea, hot chocolate, coffee and my water. Note ... if in my home and have anything you plan to ingest, DO NOT leave it unattended for a millisecond, unless of course you have a fetish for cat saliva.

His cuddliest hour of the day is between 4:15 and 5:15 AM ... and he is aggressive about getting his cuddle on ... so be prepared to awake and administer some lovins if you don't want to be bitten repeatedly.

He eats the other cat's dish of food first and then goes to his own dish to devour his.

He slaps my bum when I walk by him. Seriously ... it happens every time I walk by him ... he just reaches out and smacks me. 

He does the same thing to the other cat.

He sleeps on his back with his legs spread-eagle and his furry belly exposed to the world ... but for the love of all that is good an holy - DO NOT PAT THE BELLY! Not if you value the flesh of your fore arm.

When carving poultry for human consumption ... if you look directly below the counter, you will notice a tubby black shadow patrolling for an opening to get into.

He will eat ANYTHING. I've never seen anything like it. This crazy cat ate baked beans yesterday... half a bowl of them (left sitting on the counter unattended).

If a can of tuna is opened in the Dragonfly home ... be prepared to defend it with your life. That's all I'm sayin'.

He is brazen enough to try to bully the dog out of his meal ... to this point, he has not been successful as Cooper has made it clear no cat will be eating HIS food. (But it is funny as hell to watch)
When on a table or counter and threatened with the (normally) dreaded water squirt bottle, he will merely close his eyes and await the spray. It's absolutely hilarious.

He is a two potty cat. There is a litter box on the main floor - which is his, and another on the upper floor which is for Mato-Cat (Mom's cat). He loads up both of them ... systematically.

...and finally, I love his furry little self with my whole heart.


Amethyst Anne said...

Fur baby!! My heavens he sounds like quite the character, funny how he's a bit saucy. :)
Swiping at you..*Snort*
Yeah to kitty cuddles!
Been thinking of you D!

Spot said...

I'm pretty sure I have his twin living in my home. Love those middle of my sleepy time cuddles.

Cute post. Isn't it funny how we love our fur babies?