Platitude Paradise

We are in uncharted seas these days. Everyone who is obedient is terrified and everyone else is behaving like spoiled children. I have been working mostly from home, with the odd (pretty much weekly) trip into the empty office to deal with mail in and mail out and gather documentation for our accountant. To my knowledge, my job is not currently in jeopardy. I can only hope that continues as we march slowly through the days, weeks and months of social distancing and isolation. Honestly, much of this is no great change for me. I have distanced myself from most everyone quite completely already. If it wasn't for the fear that I experience every time I go to the grocery store, or each time my husband comes home from working out there in 'cootie-ville', I likely wouldn't notice much change at all... except maybe my overall mood. It started many months ago... before Christmas even came. My gumption was absent from my daily routine. It has continued to deterio...

Have you ever rested so much on one thing that, if that one thing doesn't pan out, you're gonna be dusted? I have. I am, in fact. I have a doctor's appointment today from which I need a small miracle... in the form of a pill. To be clear, at this point I do not give a flying fuck what that pill even is... just so long as it brings back my drive... my life force... my will to even be alive.  I have experienced this in the past and gotten relief... even if it wasn't immediate... it still came. I am so lost inside the minutia of life right now, I don't have a clue which end is up and which is down. I'm tumbling through existence at the moment like an asteroid through space... hurtling toward the great expanse of nothingness.  Lately, I can't deal.  Like with anything. My oldest is getting to be quite an expert on sucking every last molecule of oxygen out of a room. I sincerely can't breathe when she is (or I guess to be ...