Spring Fever
There so many things I want to be doing. Things that are good for me. Things like writing... walking... going to yoga. I want to be excited... That makes me want to do things that are not good for me. Things like eating... drinking vodka... seeking attention... to be fair, I am not doing that. I'm doing battle with the urge, though. I want to feel pretty. I know it's utterly ridiculous, but when I am feeling decidedly un-pretty, everything gets all wonky. My whole vibe is off. It says something ugly about me that I'd value the opinion of someone external to me over those who know and love me the most. But I do. So I redirect ...tamp everything down ... because that is the only way I can control it. Swallow hard. I want to do something meaningful... like putting my crazy-assed points of view in emails and send them to my daughters. Not to be accessed now... not until they were much older. I made accounts for them. They don't know about them, but I hav...