Platitude Paradise

2016 has been, by far, my best year in history. It has also been, by far, the hardest, most painful and most dangerous year of my life. It is not my desire to be controversial in order to create interest in my life, in particular. The details of any one life really don't matter to this story. Everyone has their own 'shit' to sort and, as luck would have it, a closely matching level of what they can manage. Plus, you don't ever have to look far to see someone who has it better or worse than you. So why compete, really? It seriously doesn't matter who has the most, who does the most or who has it the worst or does the least. They're all ridiculous things to even consider. The only time anyone finds meaning in anything is when they do it for someone else, anyway. Even if their minds are good at convincing them otherwise. You must also consider outside influence, like the impact wounds of life's machine gun array on any given day. Not everyone...

I find myself sitting in awe of just how vile my employer actually is... and this time I mean the financial institution from whom I receive my pay. Or not.   To catch up, our consumer proposal had to be withdrawn because Revenue Canada is refusing to settle my 2013 taxes. You know the one where I don't owe $15K. Yeah ... that's the one.    Anyway, to put a positive spin, we can re-file once this all settles. It sucks we couldn't get it behind us, but it certainly could be worse.   I am off on medical leave. I have gotten bad enough that I really can't handle that office. I am simply awaiting treatment. Not trying to screw anyone ... just want treatment. I tried my EAP. They couldn't help. I tried the insurance company that provides my benefits, they couldn't help. Both would cover a psychologist, but neither would do psychiatry. I am stuck with MSI.   Unfortunately, MSI has limitations and ... very ... long ... wait ......

It's true... and sometimes it even works.   People think I am a bit of a "Prima Donna" based solely on my outward appearance ... but that hasn't been the case for quite a long time.   The last three years of my life have taught me some very tough lessons and revealed things to me I would simply rather not know about myself, my short-comings and foibles. They have shown me basement after basement, which seem infinitely endless ... though simple mathematics tells me I will hit the last one before much longer. I suspect that will be a hospital bed at the local psychiatric hospital for me ... assuming I could even get in ... and for my family? I couldn't say. Living on somebody's couch? In our truck? It is really the only thing left that we own that hasn't been taken away.    Since 2013, we have lost two businesses, our house and my mind. After 15 years of renovating and flipping houses - all through my two daughters' childhoods, I will add - ...