Platitude Paradise

You bleeps are great ... and I am really happy to hear you guys still think I am entertaining. The reality is this: I wasn't being coy or fishing for praise ~ although I'll take it ... I mean what's an attention whore to do without praise? ~ but I was being serious. I don't feel ' funny '. No, I don't mean I don't feel funny ... you see the dif? Work with me here ... 'cause let's face it - my life is so damned riveting we should all be so lucky as to sit down and pontificate over it endlessly - right? (Too bad - ya'll knew what you were signing on for ~ free therapy ... quit yer whining) I find lately, I sit in front of a blank screen trying to remember something ... anything that is even remotely amusing to write about... with that hateful little blinking curser mocking me. Even when I do manage to burrow underneath all the monthly bill payments, useless work knowledge, school function days and times, cafeteria schedules, snack schedules,...

Please accept .... MAH ah-pologeeee. I was asked ... ever so nicely, by one of my faviest bloggy bleeps to remove my word verification ... and like the pliable little doobie I like to present myself as ... I obliged. Then ... it happened. 12 ... that is TWELVE spam messages attacked one of my posts. ATTACKED! I SAID!! So, it's back on ... the fight against spam... and the word verification. I hope this does not deter any bloggy comments, but if it does - it is what I must do to protect my otherwise unguarded borders. I guess with me, the spam-itos of the interwebs find my particular brand of blogginess to be sweet smelling and tasty. Not unlike the blood sucking critters that over run my yard every summer ... oh  ... wait ... mosquitoes are attracted to smelly stuff ... HEY!! Are they saying my stuff STINKS? *Throws down keyboard and stomps away*

K! I'm gonna have a pity party. Anyone who is uncomfortable with that best pass on by this post. I'll wait while you make your loud ass departure. *plays jeopardy theme* Eyvi? What the fuck are you trying to do to me? I know you are busy and I know you are all hopped up on your new job pheromones and all single parent-y with Mr. Sprite being away ... but DAMN WOMAN!!! You PROMISED you'd stay in touch. I do not make friends easily ... I am socially stunted - REMEMBER? I need constant coddling and reminders that I am at least modestly tolerable to be in the physical presence of ... HI!!! Re-FUCKING-meber me?? You can't do this to me ... you just can't. This, from the spy cam strategically mounted under my desk ...  I am fragile ... for all my crusty exterior... If possibly a little nutty... You left me alone here to tough it out with Narci ol' boy and my esteemed co worker, And now SHE'S had a job interview that went REALLY well and is fully expec...

I was just cruisin' through a few blogs ... reading what folks had to say about New Year celebrations, retrospectives or just whatever is going on in their lives at the moment and something occurred to me. Now, in this case when I use the word 'occurred' it is actually code for: fell outta the sky, bounced off my head and smacked me in the mouth before falling into my lap for inspection ... then the angels sang .... waauuuhhh... What am I yammering on about, you might ask? Well, I was over at Mommy Is In The Bathroom and she had posted a song. A song with lyrics that (to her) summed up her relationship with her blog. It was The Fray - You Found Me. Poignant. I cried. (FYI ... I am hormonal as hell and crying seems par for this course ... so consider yourself warned) But it got me to thinking ... I believe many of us walk around with masks on ... or possibly bags over our heads. I mean, there is a face for work (in my case it is an executioner's mask with a clown...